


Of Thieves and Agents

by Shaq23anime



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-08-10 23:20:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20143654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaq23anime/pseuds/Shaq23anime
Summary: In this universe the Ed's are thieves, that is until one slip up forced them to rethink their career choice. Will they crash and burn under the weight of their newfound responsibilities or will they discover what they are truly made of? KevinxEdd centric with just a touch of EddyxNaz. Rated M so you better send the kiddies to bed when reading this.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a long time since my last fic, a really, long time. So, I might be a bit rusty. Plus, this is my first Ed, Edd, and Eddy fic and my first Kevin x Edd ship. I warn you I thought that perhaps I could tweak their personalities a bit while I the same time holding on to their core traits, so be prepared for that. I won’t ask you to be gentle, but I do ask that you be constructive with your criticism. Warning: if sex, violence, foul language, mature situations and gay love are not your cup of tea, then I advise you to drink something else.

“oh dear, there’s so much to do and so little time to do it”.

“You had 48 hours, ain’t that time enough?”

“Of course not, the vault is way too heavy for the forklift and…….”

“Who says we’re using a forklift?”

“THE INCREDIBLE LUMP TO THE RESCUE”.

“The incredible lump?”

“Trust me Double D, we’ve got this, all you gotta do is look pretty, hit the alarms and hit the security cams”.

“Eddy, I’m serious this time if we get caught……”

“Quite you’re worrying, just stick to the plan and you’ll be fine”.

3 hours later

“Why am I going along with this absurd plan”, thought Double D as he sauntered down the street towards his intended destination. After years of practice being the girl in each scam and theft they have committed, the man had grown accustomed to walking in stilettos. His hips swayed casually as he tried to adjust his silicone boobs within the tiny black dress he was wearing. He checked his reflection in the glass door of the bank as he approached, he took a moment to lightly dab a small amount of red lipstick on his lips and combed his hand through his long black hair. He then sighed, adjusted the strap on his hanging purse and stepped through the door, “showtime”.

The bank's layout matched his blueprints well, tellers to the left, cubicles to the right for the bank marketing reps and loans officers. Ahead of him to the back was a large vault door with one big-nosed security guard protecting it. Edd rolled his eyes at this, why did this bank decide to build an entire fake vault door? Was this a decoration? or did they think a potential robber would be fooled by it. He wasn’t sure but what he was sure of was where the actual vault was, “behind the tellers, hidden by a wall”. He turned his head a bit to take a quick look at all the security cameras, “5 of them, two on the right, two on the left, one ahead of me”. He ran through the plan in his head as he made his way to the reps, “step one, visit the reps and set up a fake bank account, release the spiders. Step two visit the tellers, deposit 100 dollars into the said fake account, release the spiders to disable the alarms and the cams. Step three flirt with the security guard and inquire about the level of craftsmanship on the fake door of the vault, release the spiders”. He internally cringes at the very thought of that, he had no idea how to effectively flirt with someone. Especially when he didn’t even know the guy, he decided to keep things platonic and stick to just showing an interest in the fake vault. He made his way to the first representative and states that he wanted to open an account. The female rep smiled and invited him to have a seat. This was what Double D hated the most, talking, his voice was very effeminate but there was no mistake that it was male. Using his best attempt at a female voice, he answered the advisor’s questions and waited patiently for her to log in his information. While she was pre-occupied Edd rested his purse in his lap and slowly opened it slightly. Within seconds two microscopic mechanical spiders crawled out of it and down his leg. They both landed on the floor and made their way to the wall behind the rep’s desk. They then made their way upwards to the two cameras stationed at the top reaching the ceiling.

The two mechanical creatures each latched themselves to a camera and munched their way into them. While Double D smiled and pretended to stare in admiration over the design of the new checkbooks to go with his new checking account, he chanced a few glances at the cam above. The little red light on the front of each of them went out, step one was complete. He shook hands with the rep and moved on to the teller to carry out step two.

Meanwhile

Both Eddy and Ed were hanging out at the local café across the street from the bank. They were eating and casually making conversation with one another, which was proving more and more difficult for eddy.

Eddy: so, wait, they’re zombies and vampires from the planet Uranus.  
Ed: born from the green gases of Uranus, they will feast on your toes.  
Eddy: that doesn’t make any sense, both can drink blood, both can bite into human flesh, why not make them Zombies who seem to co-exist with vampires, instead of making them one and the same?  
Ed: because two is more than one Eddy.  
Eddy: why do I talk to you?  
Ed: I’m the incredible Lump.

A beeping sound causes Eddy to look down at his watch. On said watch there were three tiny red lights, he noticed that one of them was turned off. His mood instantly lightened, “two down four to go”. Then suddenly before he knew it another beep sounded, and the second light went out, his eyes widened, “wow he’s working fast today”. He quietly summoned the waitress to get his check. By the time he paid off his bill and tipped the waitress, the third light on his watch went out. The pair exited the diner and crossed the street into a heavily shaded alley on the side of the bank. Both men dawned their black masks and eddy brought out a small pen from his pocket. While Ed was on the lookout the shorter male twisted the pen to engaged a powerful laser from it. He passed it gently over the brick and mortar managing to find the outline of the vault surrounded by cement, “Bingo, come to papa”. He quickly passes the laser a few times over the bricklayers and made quick work of the cement being careful enough to stop the laser. If he kept going it would have passed through the cement and possibly through the door on the other side.

Eddy: Handle  
Ed: here you go, Eddy.

The taller male handed Eddy a large ball of what looked like silver clay. Eddy cleared away remaining brick to slap the clay against the steal layer of the vault. He quickly molded the clay into a handle. The clay fused to the steal and completely hardened.

Eddy: you’re up lumpy  
Ed: LUMPY SMASH

Ed grabbed the handle and begins to pull it out of its foundation.

Back inside the bank, Double D and a group of other customers laughed and listened with intent to the security guard standing in front of the fake vault door. The super genius was lucky today, he didn’t have to say a word, the crowd was there when he finished with the teller. As it turns out the guard was the brother of the artist who created the door. He excitedly engaged in conversation with another female customer, which became so animated that soon a small group had formed during it. The story he told was interesting, heartwarming and at certain points hilarious. However, Double D made sure not to get too distracted, he was still able to release the last set of spiders. He blended with the crowd and watched jovially along with everyone else. Suddenly a loud, rumbling sound came from his left and the entire wall behind the tellers collapsed causing them to scream and run out of their stations. They all gathered into the middle of the room and watched in absolute shock as the entire vault was removed from the side of the building. Two masked men were briefly spotted before they disappeared with the vault, everyone freaked out as they gapped at the large hole that used to be their station.

Teller 1: what happened to the alarm?  
Teller 2: I don’t know, I’m calling the cops.  
Teller 3: anyone see where they went?

The touch of a hand on his shoulder tore him away from the scene before him. The big-nosed guard was leading him and the other customers out the door. He allowed himself to be escorted out along with the panicked crowd, just in time to notice ed and eddy running 4 blocks away and laughing like lunatics. His eyes widened, and he stifled the need to head slap himself, “they were supposed to be in the getaway truck. Eddy must have parked too far away from the target again”. He made his way to his car and unlocked the door, suddenly another hand takes hold of the door handle. Double D looks at its owner nervously. Was he about to be caught? Did they know he was a part of it? The guard holding the handle opened the car door and gives the presumed female a charismatic smile.

The guard: you have yourself a wonderful day ma’am.

Edd: Th…thank you.

While the guard holds the door open, Edd flashes him a polite smile and gets in. He then patiently waits for the guard to close the door for him before sticking his key into the ignition. He starts the car and tries his best not to speed off as the police cars enter the scene. As he drove off to their secret hideout, he prayed for the safety of his partners in crime. Little did he know, he was being watched the entire time. The security guard moved silently away from the scene as the police questioned the tellers and the customers began to clear the area. He rounded the corner of the bank and smirked. He then reached into his pocket and took out his smartphone. After dialing a number he leaned against the wall and admired the giant hole in it. The person on the other end picked up.

“did you find them?”  
“yep, Ed, Edd, and Eddy”  
“so, what’s the verdict?”  
“It’s not up to me, they want them, all three of them”.  
“Are you sure? You seemed to have an interest in just the smart one, and we could use an inventor or maybe a scientist”.  
“He’s not going to leave them, they’ve been together since they were kids. That’s why I recommended they take all of them aboard”.  
“Well ok, I’ll make the arrangements for next week. See ya later dude”.

The call ended, and the guard takes off his hat and his fake nose. He smiled fully as he walked to his motorcycle parked on the other side of the building. He took off his uniform shirt revealing a T-shirt underneath. He mounted the bike and started the engine, “didn’t think they would buy my story about the fake vault, bunch of dorks”. He revved up the bike and drove off, looking forward to the next time he and the ed’s will meet.


	2. chapter 2

Edd tried his best to ignore the constant bouts of laughter coming from his partners. Both were playing and rolling around in the money they just stole. It was just $200,000 but they really needed this victory, so he allowed them to celebrate while he retired to his lab to work on his latest invention. In simple terms, it was a new set of wristwatches which allowed the wearer to activate a holographic shield strong enough to protect them from bullets. He thought about this a few hours after their most recent heist, he became increasingly worried for Ed and Eddy. When they reunited with one another, they told him there were a few officers they were forced to ram their way through. If those officers decided to shoot at them, they would be forced to shoot back which might result in them getting themselves wounded or worse. He was able to get an hour of work in when Eddy bursts into his room with a wide manic grin on his face.

Eddy: put your toys away sock head, we’re going out tonight.  
Edd: looking to splurge already Eddy?  
Eddy: I gotta pay back my old dealer.  
Edd: you had a dealer?  
Eddy: well I wouldn’t say dealer per se, more like a dealer who gave me some stuff to transport over the border a while back. Remember Johnny 2X4?  
Edd: the crazy guy with the bald head, he’s a drug dealer?  
Eddy: drug dealer, drug kingpin, head of the mafia……  
Edd: oh dear, Eddy what have you done?  
Eddy: well he gave me $5000 worth of cocaine to smuggle across the border when he was stationed in Mexico.   
Edd: but you never delivered it did you?  
Eddy: of course not it’s pure cocaine, you know how much just a gram of that is worth?  
Edd: I don’t care, you know how unstable that man is.  
Eddy: and that is where you come in, you’re going to be the soothing voice that calms the savage beast.  
Edd rolled his eyes: it worked the last time because money wasn’t involved, I doubt that…...  
Eddy pouts: please double D.  
Edd rubbed his temples before answering: fine Eddy but…...  
Eddy: YES, HEY LUMPY HE SAID YES.  
Ed: LET’S PAINT THE TOWN RED EDDY.

An hour later

Ed, Edd, and Eddy stood outside the club and stared at the sign out front, it read, “Planked”. Most people thought it was named after the YouTube videos of people planking in various locations but unfortunately, it was the name of Johnny’s childhood imaginary friend. Eddy approached the bouncer and was about to request entry, but it turns out that they were expected. The three men were led inside carrying a suitcase full of money and were led to the back of the club. The entire place was packed to the brim with people dancing, laughing, drinking and completely unaware of the illegal transaction about to take place. There was a stage to the right of them where the music was coming from, Edd recognized it immediately, it was a song from the band “Panic at the disco”. The band playing the music sounded ok and continued their routine as the three passed by the stage. The singer noticed them and knelt a bit to sing at Double D. As he passed he gave the singer an appreciative smile, he did like the song they were playing but did not have the time to properly enjoy it. He hoped the music choice would remain a choice based on good taste and not a literal prediction. The Ed’s were led to a staircase which led to a lavishly decorated room. Everything in the room was royal blue and gold, the furniture, the walls, even the doors they went through, it all looked like a room fit for the queen of England. But instead of sitting on a throne, Johnny 2X4 was sitting on a blue diamond studded swivel chair. The massively muscular, the tall man remained seated as the Ed’s approached him and grinned at them. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his long black beard as they approached his desk. Sitting on his desk at arm’s length was his best friend plank.

Johnny: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the Ed’s. Been a while since I have seen all three of you together, I’m usually dealing with Eddy. I wonder why they’re here?  
Eddy frowned: why do you think? We’re here because………….  
Johnny slammed his fist on the desk causing everyone to jump: “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU”.

The crazed man glared at them for what seemed like an eternity before picking up plank, who was a large 2X4 piece of wood with a drawn-on face on it and nails sticking out of the tip which was tinted red. He put the plank up to his ear, nodded a few times and glared back at Eddy.

Johnny: plank says you better have our money with you Eddy or he might be forced to eat you tonight. Plank gets very hungry when he’s angry.

The atmosphere in the room grew tense, this would not be the first-time plank had to eat someone. Many victims were led to that room and bludgeoned to death by Johnny’s imaginary friend, the dried blood stains on the nails and the tip were evidence of that.

Eddy swallowed the lump in his throat: Uh…yeah, I got the money, it’s just that…...  
Johnny: Plank says he wants to see what’s inside the suitcase himself.  
Eddy: Yeah, yeah of course but there’s something I have to tell……

Johnny snapped his fingers and one of his goons comes up to Eddy and snatches the suitcase. He then brings it to the boss, Johnny, in turn, opens the suitcase and looks at the money briefly before resting plank on top of it face down. He stares at the piece of wood intensely for a bit before looking up at the three men.

Johnny: there’s only $10,000 in here.  
Edd: I….is there supposed to be more than that?  
Johnny: you owe us $50,000, eddy where is the rest of our money.  
Eddy: ok, take it easy Johnny. I promise you will…….  
Johnny slowly gets up from his chair: your promises mean nothing to me. Plank is very angry.

Ed and Edd shrink back a bit behind Eddy as Johnny walks around the table and towards the three men towering over them. He then picked up his imaginary friend who now suddenly dawned an angry look on its drawn-on face. Ed started shaking and grabbed Double D’s and Eddy’s arm ready to get them the hell out of there, but the genius gave him a nervous yet reassuring look. Eddy on the other hand shot pleading looks at Edd while trying to regain control of this situation.

Eddy: Johnny buddy, pal, I swear we will get the money for you.  
Johnny: I don’t believe you, sorry but I need to feed pl……  
Edd: will you believe me?

Johnny looked in Edd’s direction and quirked an eyebrow: not if all your going to do is lie for him, I might as well feed the both of you to plank.  
Edd gets between them: Johnny have I ever lied to you before?  
Johnny: not yet  
Edd: I would never, in fact, I happen to know that we could get you the money a lot sooner than you think.  
Johnny: when?  
Eddy: Well, it might take a couple of wee…….  
Edd: Tomorrow, you will have your money by tomorrow.

Eddy sent a glare his way only for him to send it right back. Johnny looked down on Double D for a while, his intense glare boring a hole in the young man’s head. The genius quivered a bit trying not to let his fear get the best of him. All of a sudden, Johnny wrapped his arms around Edd and picked him up off the floor in a bear hug.

Johnny: ok Double D, I trust you.

He then dropped the young man and picked him up again to stand. The tension in the room dissipated as he gave all three of them a toothy smile.

Johnny: plank says, a promise from Double D is sacred, if he says we get our money tomorrow then we will get our money tomorrow.   
Edd smiles back: why thank you plank. Is noon ok for you?  
Johnny: sounds great, in the meantime why don’t you boys stick around. IT’S PANIC NIGHT.  
Edd: yes, I noticed, they are my favorite band. You have an impeccable taste by the way.  
Johnny grinned even wider and blushed: aww shucks, thanks, we don’t have the actual band but the one that we did get seem pretty good. I hope you enjoy it.  
Edd: I’m sure I will.  
Johnny: drinks are on us tonight guys, have fun.  
Edd: thank you, Johnny, and thank you again, Plank.  
Johnny: plank says anything for you Double D.

With that, the men were escorted out of the room and the door slammed behind them. Eddy glowered at Double D as they were led by one of the goons down the stairs.

Eddy: Are you fucking kidding me? Double D you had him eating out of the palm of your hand. You couldn’t buy us a few more weeks?  
Edd: we don’t need a few more weeks, we just robbed a bank this morning.  
Eddy: so, what? We can’t spare $50,000.  
Edd: what are you talking about Eddy? We have $200,000.  
Eddy: I said we can’t spare it, not that we don’t have it. We could have just kept the money for ourselves and hit another bank next week.  
Edd: or we can pay him tomorrow. This way if our next heist fails then we won’t have to worry about him chasing us down and bashing our brains in.

They hit the dance floor and Edd turns to Eddy giving him a serious look, “let me make this quite clear, I will not under any circumstances endanger Ed’s life. We can not afford to take unnecessary risks due to your overwhelming greed. Let’s just give the man his money and move on or would you rather go back upstairs and tell him yourself that he has to wait another week for his payout”.

Ed: Double D is the law, Eddy.  
Eddy: seriously Ed?  
Edd: what’s it going to be Eddy?  
Eddy gets irritated: FINE, WE’LL GIVE HIM HIS STINKING MONEY. Are YOU HAPPY NOW?  
Edd: yes very, thank you for finally listening to reason.  
Eddy growls: whatever, I need a drink.

The three made their way through the dance floor and to the bar, Eddy was the first to order a drink, scotch on the rocks. Ed ordered a Pepsi, he didn’t like the taste of alcohol, Double D ordered a rum and coke. While he waited for his drink Eddy nudged him a bit in a teasing manner.

Eddy: Hey Casanova, looks like someone’s trying to get your attention.  
Edd: pardon?  
Eddy points to the stage: the singer with the chin, he’s been eyeing you since you got here.

Edd turned his head a bit noticing the singer working the crowd into a frenzy by singing, “Ballad of Mona Lisa”. He turned back to the bar disinterested, he had dated a bad boy rocker before, he learned his lesson the last time. He continued to wait for his drink, once he received it, he then turned his attention back to the stage. After a few sips of his drink, he bobbed his head to the music while Ed managed to get the female bartender to shoot a stream of soda into his mouth and Eddy eyed a nearby blond girl flirtatiously. Edd grinned, she looked like his type, however, he doubted that he was hers. He looked back at the bar to say something to his other friend, however, he was preoccupied as well. The said bartender was laughing at whatever Ed was saying and the two were munching on maraschino cherries. Double D sighed as his eyes floated back to the stage only to find the singer making eye contact with him again. The singer winked at him, but Edd was not amused. Normally he would become flustered at all the attention he was getting from a handsome stranger but there was something that didn’t feel right. Why was he being eyeballed by the singer? He looked around the dance floor and noticed a couple of other things amiss. The goons that escorted them were talking with the blond girl who caught Eddy’s eye, glancing at Eddy from time to time during the conversation. The bouncer glanced his way before quickly turning his head and speaking into his Bluetooth earpiece. The song ended, and the singer smiled at everyone, his eyes connected with the blond girl who said something to the goons. All this made Edd’s senses go from suspicious to paranoid in just a few seconds.

Edd: Eddy we should get out of here.  
Eddy: what is it now sock head?  
Edd: we’re being watched.  
Eddy nearly choked on his drink: what? For real?  
Edd: yes, the singer’s one of them.  
Eddy grabs Ed’s attention: Lumpy smash  
Ed: LUMPY SMASH!!!!  
Edd: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  
Eddy: it’s called a distraction, sheesh it’s like it’s your first day on the job.

Ed picks up a barstool and runs into the crowd like a mad man. He then throws the chair, but it accidentally hits a tattooed, large burly biker. Ed runs away to smash a few more bar stools before the biker turns around. The biker then mistook another man as the guy who threw the chair and punches him in the face. The other guy with the victim smashes a beer bottle on the biker’s head and a fight breaks out in the middle of the dance floor. Within the ruckus the more people pushing and shoving one another the more fighting there was and the more chaotic the place became. Eddy hopped off his stool and led his friends to where the dance floor was only to see the goons and the blond girl trying to make their way towards them. Double D looked at the front door for an escape but the singer hopped off the stage and along with the bouncer was heading their way.

Edd: we’re trapped.  
Eddy: any ideas guys.  
Edd: only one.

Edd looked towards the bar as the bartender flees her station, possibly to call the cops. He then looks at Ed.

Edd: Lumpy smash  
Ed: LUMPY SMASH.

Ed smashes his fists onto the bar counter breaking it in half. He then pulled both sides off the floor and slammed them repeatedly on the floor. The entire area where they were standing was surrounded by large pieces of wood and broken marble. Their pursuers were blinded by the debris and dust momentarily, but what got to them was the constant spraying of the now damaged soda gun which was unfortunately ripped from its hose. Now was their chance, ignoring the constant spraying of sticky soda pouring all over them, Double D grabbed Ed by the shirt pulling him along as he and Eddy made their way to the emergency exits at the far end of what used to be the bar. They crashed through the exit doors into the alleyway, the getaway car was in the front of the building. There was no way in hell they could go get it. They were about to leave the alley in hopes of getting to the back end of the club when they heard a deep voice.

“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE”

The men looked back to see the singer pointing a gun at them, he was drenched from head to toe in what looked like a combination of sprite, coke and chalk dust.

Singer: HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE’EM.

Ed shivered in fear, Eddy glared at the other man, but Double D’s bluish-green eyes met the singer’s dark blue ones to calm the situation.

Edd: ok, you’ve got us, just please put the gun down. There’s no need for…….  
Eddy: KYAAAAAA

Eddy suddenly drop kicked the gun out of the singer’s hand and punched him in the face. Edd’s eyes widened as the two fought each other, they matched each other blow for blow. However, he knew Eddy was struggling against the taller man. He quietly located a discarded empty trash can and slammed it over the singer’s head, he then knelt behind him allowing Eddy to shove him. Mere seconds after the singer hits the ground the three men took off. They left the alley only to be bombarded by sirens and flashing lights. Six black cars surrounded them, and 12 gunmen aimed at them.

Eddy: Shit  
Ed: should we run away again?  
Edd: there’s nowhere to run Ed, we’re done for.

The three men held their hands up and waited for the gunman to arrest them.


	3. chapter3

Chapter 3

This morning Kevin woke up looking forward to finally getting a chance to confront the Ed’s, especially Edd. Now he was beginning to have second thoughts as he sat in front of the stupid one while he cried like a baby.

Ed: I throw myself on the mercy of the court.  
Kevin: you’re not in court, you’re in an interrogation room.  
Ed: I throw myself on the mercy of the interrogation room.  
Kevin: relax stupid, I’m just going to ask you a few questions………  
Ed: Eddy says I shouldn’t drop the soap, can I have mines on a string?  
Kevin: uh…. what?  
Ed: ORANGE MAKES ME LOOK FAT  
Kevin: You’re not going to jail.  
Ed: THEY DON’T HAVE CHICKENS AND THEY DON’T HAVE GRAVY AND THEY DON’T TOAST THEIR BREAD AND THEY TATTOO TEARDROPS ON YOUR FACE AND ………

Kevin at this point has had enough, he reached over the table and forcefully covered ed’s mouth. He then glared at the other male and spoke in a slow low voice.

Kevin: ok big guy, I am going to need you to take your upper lip and press it firmly against your bottom one. Keep it that way until I say otherwise, you got me?  
Ed: hfmmfmm  
Kevin: Say one more word and I will immediately send you to jail. Is that clear?  
Ed: mmmhmmm.  
Kevin: good

Sighing he took his hand off the other man's face and eyed him closely making sure he doesn’t utter a single peep. He then opened Ed’s file and read through it, “Escaped from a mental institution, makes sense” he thought, “looks like Eddy broke him out, which means that this guy must have a family out there looking for him”.

Kevin: how do you feel about being back home? With your family?  
Ed………………………….  
Kevin rolled his eyes: you can talk now.  
Ed: DON’T SEND ED HOME, MOM AND DAD PUT MY BRAIN TO SLEEP WITH THE SHINY PILLS OF DOOM.  
Kevin: shiny pills of doom?

He looked at the file again and instantly knew what he was talking about. Turns out the parents were experimenting with different kinds of medication, placebos and even tried shock therapy to stimulate his brain. All it did was put him in a 48-hour coma, chemically induced seizures and dulled his brainwaves to the point where he had to be under 24/7 care at the local peach creek institute for mental health. Kevin shot another glance at Ed who was now covering his mouth waiting for his turn to talk again.

Kevin: I know this may be a long shot but I’m going to ask anyway. The other day you stole an entire vault of money from a bank. Any idea where you stashed it?  
Ed: Eddy says to keep your mouth shut lumpy, so I can’t tell you that it is in our secret lair?  
Kevin: so, you didn’t move it from your lair?  
Ed: no time to  
Kevin grinned: ok well since you couldn’t tell me that, then perhaps you can tell me where your lair is?  
Ed: I’m always blindfolded whenever we get close to there. Eddy says I talk too much.  
Kevin frowns again: can’t imagine why. Looks like I’ll have to pay Eddy a visit. Wait here.

Kevin gets up, walks out the door and talks to the two guards standing there, “make sure he doesn’t go anywhere, get him a coloring book or something to keep him occupied”. They nodded as he moved on to the next set of guards standing in front of another door. When he entered the room, its only occupant glowered at the wall in front of him while he itched a spot on his wrists where the handcuffs were. Both he and Edd had to be handcuffed since they were the ones who resisted arrest. The shorter male glared at him and leaned back in his chair.

Eddy: the information in this little file of yours is wrong.

Kevin seats himself on the other side of the table and grabs the file. He opens it reading its contents, “grand larceny, theft, drug trafficking, possible drug abuse with Johnny 2x4 as his supplier, grand theft auto, damn this dude has been in the crime game since he was 16. He’s also been in and out of jail, escaping about a year ago. Guess we should also add kidnapping to the list”. He looked up from the file and gave Eddy a blank look.

Kevin: how is this misinformation?  
Eddy: it says I was doing the drugs Johnny gave me. That is totally not true, I never sampled the product, that would be a waste of an investment.  
Kevin frowned at him: wow, you’re either incredibly insane or incredibly stupid. Your list of crimes is as long as this damn table. No one gives a shit about your little investment and I sure as hell don’t give a shit about whether you’re a druggie or not. What I’d like to know is where your lair is? Your empty-headed friend said the money is still there.  
Eddy: He doesn’t know what he’s talking about, what money?  
Kevin: the big ass vault of money he yanked out of the wall during your last heist?  
Eddy: still have no idea what you’re talking about.  
Kevin: Dude, you were seen in broad daylight by eyewitnesses, laughing like a jackass and running away with the vault. I mean even with the masks on that was a stupid thing to do.  
Eddy: doesn’t ring a bell, besides it’s my word against yours. Where’s your fucking proof, shovel chin?

Kevin frowned at the nickname, “shovel chin? Did this prick just call me shovel chin?” he thought. He glared at the shorter man and reached for his smartphone in his pants pocket. He then found the recorder app and started playing a recording, “you want proof? here’s your damn proof you little shit”.

The recording starts:  
Eddy: Are you fucking kidding me? Double D you had him eating out of the palm of your hand. You couldn’t buy us a few more weeks?  
Edd: we don’t need a few more weeks, we just robbed a bank this morning.  
Eddy: so, what? We can’t spare $50,000.  
Edd: what are you talking about Eddy? We have $200,000.  
Eddy: I said we can’t spare it, not that we don’t have it. We could have just kept the money for ourselves and hit another bank next week.  
Edd: or we can pay him tomorrow. This way if our next heist fails then we won’t have to worry about him chasing us down and bashing our brains in………. let me make this quite clear, I will not under any circumstances endanger Ed’s life. We cannot afford to take unnecessary risks due to your overwhelming greed. Let’s just give the man his money and move on or would you rather go back upstairs and tell him yourself that he has to wait another week for his payout”.  
The recording ends:

Eddy’s eyes widened: Holy shit.  
Kevin dawns a cocky grin: I like your friend, he’s cute and smart. I’m sure the guys at the state penitentiary will think so too. Though I must admit they’re not the type who believes in the whole look but don’t touch rule and they are far from being gentle.  
Eddy gets nervous: b…. but what about Johnny? He…he  
Kevin: he was the first guy we apprehended. He seems to be under the impression that you ratted him out since Ed is an idiot and double D seems to be his only trustworthy friend. I wonder what he’ll do if he saw you again. Perhaps we’ll have you two share a cell…...well you three, he refused to let go of plank.

Eddy fidgeted a bit in his chair, he was nervous at first but now he was downright shitting himself. He sighed and tried his best to maintain his bravado.

Eddy: l…look Kevin…...buddy…pal, let’s not do anything hasty here. I cannot go to jail, that guy is a maniac, double D can’t go back either not after everything he has been through.

“go back?” Kevin thought to himself but ignored it to continue tormenting Eddy.

Kevin: aww, it’s adorable how much you seem to care for the little nerd. But if I don’t get the location of that lair, then I can’t be responsible for what happens to him.  
Eddy: OK FINE, I’ll tell you where the stinking lair is under one condition.  
Kevin: that is?  
Eddy: you let all three of us go.  
Kevin: I can only promise you won’t go to jail.   
Eddy sighed: fine whatever, it’s under the waterfalls near this lake we used to play at when we were kids just outside the peach creek cul de sac.   
Kevin: Thanks, buddy. BRB.  
Eddy: w…wait, where the fuck are you going?  
Kevin: to meet your cute friend, I’ve been waiting to get my hands on him all day. Later loser.  
Eddy gets angry: DON’T YOU DARE TRY ANYTHING WITH DOUBLE D YOU CREEP.

Kevin gives him a sly look, he genuinely would never try anything with a captured criminal, but he did enjoy seeing the look of outrage on Eddy’s face as he left the room. He then strolled right up to the final room down the hall and entered past the guard. There he found the “cute one” sitting at the table with his forehead resting on his handcuffed hands. He didn’t bother to look up when Kevin took his seat across from him. He gripped the black and white striped beanie on his head and pulled it over his eyes as if to hide away from the shame. The file on the table was opened, which means he was looking through it before he got there. He remained silent and depressingly melancholy, as Kevin retrieved the file and quietly looked through it. His eyes widened at what he read, and he looked back at the other male.

Kevin: you spent 5 years in prison for attempted murder on your ex-husband? The fucks that about?   
Edd: must we discuss that?  
Kevin: Yeah, we must. Come on, spill it.  
Edd: everything you need to know is in that file.

Kevin rolled his eyes, “not in the mood for a conversation, huh Double dork?” He continues to read through the file, “he tried to murder his ex-hubby by stabbing him in the heart in his sleep. However, the hubby woke up when Edd missed and stabbed him in the shoulder instead. He later pressed charges against him. Harsh”. 

Kevin: says here that you claimed he was verbally, physically and sexually abusive and tried to stab him in his sleep……  
Edd finally looks at him: claimed? CLAIMED? That wasn’t a claim, he was horrid to me. He made my life a living hell. He was an alcoholic brute, who struck me almost daily, he…. he lied to me about everything. His job, his past, even his name ALL LIES and for your information he was not asleep, he was wide awake and pushed me into the kitchen counter while on another one of his drunken tirades. He was on the verge of assaulting me yet again, I was merely defending myself for goodness sake, and those fiends railroaded me in court. I gave up everything to be with him, my home, my parents love, my dreams and for what? Absolutely nothing but pain and anguish, I can never go back home because of my parent's bigoted hatred for my sexual preferences, I lost my career as a science professor at Harvard University, I LOST EVERYTHING. I should have known better to fall for a bad boy, he turned out to be nothing more than another high school bully sent to extract every single ounce of happiness and self-respect I have ever attained. HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO FOOLISH?

Kevin sat there wide-eyed as Edd poured his heart out in his triggered rant. Edd panted, hanging his head down low and fighting the fresh tears that were threatening to resurface. He pulled his hat back down over his eyes and quietly sobbed. It had been a long time since he was forced to talk about it. Now that it once again started to come to light, he couldn’t help but shed a few tears.

Edd: how dare they call that a claim? How dare he make a mockery of my name? He made me look like I was some crazed lunatic on a murderous warpath.  
Kevin frown trying to remain neutral: I know you don’t want to hear this but, there doesn’t seem to be any police reports or arrest attempts made on him, or restraining orders. Plus, it looks like he cut you off from your loved ones and moved you up to his private home up on a hill in Malibu, there aren’t any neighbors within a 10-mile radius of you, so it’s not like you would have any key witnesses to the abuse. Had you shown the reports first then maybe they would have known that you have been trying to put a stop to it by getting the police involved. It would have helped your case. Fortunately for you, they must have pitied you in some way, some people get more than just 4 years. I mean you did have marks on you even if they were faded at that time, but it looks like he was rich enough to buy himself out of trouble and throw you under the bus.  
Edd sighed: I was so frightened of what would happen if I called the cops. What if they took him away and he came back looking for me? or what if he violated the restraining order and decided to attack me when I wasn’t looking? He’s wealthy enough to put out a hit on me or elaborately frame me for one of his illegal dealings.   
Kevin: he sounds like he knew exactly what he was doing to keep you under his thumb. 

Edd remained silent for a while casting a look at the table, after a few moments he looked back up at Kevin with a somewhat exhausted look.

Edd: sir…  
Kevin: the names Kevin.  
Edd cringed: how horribly informal……. ok Kevin, you have obviously found out where the money and lair is.  
Kevin: How did you guess?  
Edd: because you haven’t asked me a single thing about it. Surely you didn’t just come here to ask me about my failed love life.   
Kevin: your boyfriend next door told me already.  
Edd: he is not my boyfriend, we are just best friends, ed too.   
Kevin: choice, so I do have a chance.  
Edd frowned at him: no, you don’t.  
Kevin winks at him: only time will tell babe.  
Edd grimaced: anyway, I would like to take the fall for my friends.   
Kevin’s eyes widened a bit in shock: seriously? Why?  
Edd: I was the one who provided the tools they needed to pull off the heists, all seven of them.  
Kevin: wait, you made that stuff? The bombs, the shapeshifting handles, your getaway vehicles?  
Edd: all of it, Eddy’s plans would not have come into fruition if it weren’t for my inventions. I would like to take full responsibility for every crime we have committed as a group.

Kevin leaned back in his chair and smirked, “wow, how brave, how gallant, how noble……I am going to enjoy breaking you in”, he thought in a more devilish manner. He puts the file back together and closes it. He then gave the smart male a confident look.

Kevin: I have a better idea.  
Edd: E…excuse me?  
Kevin: I know that you are both incredibly smart and reasonable enough to identify a good deal when you see one. Frankly Edd, you’re wasting your talents getting by on these petty little heists. Despite your bravery, you really don’t want to go to prison. Neither does Eddy and to be honest, Ed will eventually end up spending the rest of his life as a drugged-up vegetable if his family finds him. So how about you come work for me? Enlist your services to complete a few missions for the government. Or you and Eddy could return to jail and Ed back to the nuthouse. So how about it handsome? Ready to reconsider your career choices?

Edd stared at him for a long time and weighed his options. Going back to prison and feeling overwhelming amounts of guilt knowing that Eddy is back in jail and Ed is wasting away in an insane asylum. Or work for the government……... the choice was clear.

Edd: sign us up.


	4. chapter 4

Eddy: So, let me get this straight, this is some kind of program you put together to turn ex-convicts into highly trained secret agents.  
Kevin: that sums it up, yeah.  
Edd: that’s rather odd  
Ed: that’s weak writing  
Eddy: THAT’S BULLSHIT, I’m not risking my life for you pigs.  
Kevin: Doesn’t look like you have a choice in the matter.

The ed’s were walking behind Kevin as he led them down a hallway surrounded by steel walls. He then led them to a room that looked like a cross between a dojo and a gym. To their right was a giant mirror covering the wall, to there were racks of kendo sticks, boxing mittens, and other various equipment. The floor was covered with a blue sponge-like mat, and the corners of the room were littered with punching bags, large dummies, and various weights. This was just one of the many rooms at Grimoire HQ, a top-secret agency developed under the CIA in support of the cons to pro program. This would actually be Kevin’s very first solo project and he was determined to make something out of it. Kevin frowned at Eddy as he listened to the shorter man's complaints.

Kevin: That was the deal we made, you three work for us and you don’t get your ass handed to you by a 2x4 wielding psychopath.   
Eddy: give me a fucking break. Double D what the hell did you get us into?  
Edd: he’s right Eddy, besides I was thinking about all of us.  
Kevin: instead of bitching about it, you should really be thanking the dork 

Both males looked at him in disapproval over the unflattering nickname as another figured entered the room from the door on the other side. She was a blond short-haired woman with dark green eyes and ruby red lips. She was dressed in a business suit and held a clipboard in her arm while addressing everyone with a smile.

Kevin: perfect timing, guys this is Naz.  
Naz: hey dudes, glad to have all of you aboard.  
Eddy: hey aren’t you the chick I danced with last night?  
Naz: yep, I’m also the chick who pulled up you police records, the chick who figured out where your next heist was, the chick that set up that sting in the night club last night, the chick who had one of Johnny’s goons bugged and the chick who shared the recording of your confession with Kevin by sending it to his smartphone. Just call me the chick of all trades.

Naz chuckled at the dumbfounded looks on the Ed’s faces and pulled a cookie covered in tissue out of her pocket.

Naz: oooh, look what I have Ed, a delicious chocolate chip cookie.  
Ed: YUM, COOKIES FOR ED.  
Naz: if you want this cookie, you’re going to have to follow me.

She walks back out through the door she came in from with Ed in tow. Edd and Eddy panic and quickly follow but were cut off when the door shut itself locking them in the room. Eddy turns and rushes towards Kevin.

Eddy: WHERE THE HELL DID SHE TAKE HIM?  
Kevin: relax shrimpy, she’s taking him to get intellectually stimulated, she’s got a few exercises that’ll mentally wake him up. You guys are with me for physical training.  
Edd: ph….ph…physical training, as in the gym.  
Kevin: as in kickboxing and karate, today is more for me to get a feel for who I’m dealing with.

He grabs Eddy’s arm and lifts him a bit.

Eddy: HEY WHAT DO YA THINKING YOUR DOING?  
Kevin analyzes his arm: well what do ya know, you have actual muscle tone.   
Kevin grips Eddy’s midsection: Kind of frumpy for someone your size but we can work on that with a few crunches.  
Eddy: frumpy? Who the hell are you calling frumpy?  
Kevin knelt down pulling up his pants leg to inspect the legs: pudgy legs, I suppose it comes with the frumpy body type.  
Eddy: you’re trying to say I’m fat aren’t you?  
Kevin: no you’re frumpy, there’s a difference between fat and frumpy. Do yourself a favor and look it up.  
Eddy: whatever smartass, are you finished?  
Kevin: trust me it was no picnic for me either.

He notices out of the corner of his eye the other male in the room fidgeting slightly through the whole ordeal. Double D appeared to be nervously creeping past them towards the door they just entered through. Unfortunately, he didn’t make it, Kevin wrapped his arms around the other male's waist and pulled him towards his rock hard body. 

Kevin: going somewhere Double Dweeb?   
Edd struggles against him: I….I was just heading to the bathroom.  
Kevin picks him up and carries him back: hold it until we’re done.  
Edd: U…um k…kevin, I have to warn you, t…this a GAH…

Edd was distracted from his train of thought by Kevin, who at this point slide his cold hand over his stomach and back. Edd continued to shake and quiver under the taller man’s touch feeling more and more uncomfortable by the minute. He tries his best to keep his anxiety in check as Kevin starts pinching what little fat he had around his waist and rolled up the sleeve of one of his arms to check his muscles.

Kevin: geez are you part jellyfish or something, there’s not a single muscle on you.  
Edd: P….P…please st….st….  
Kevin: you’re way too thin, guess I’ll have to fatten you up.  
Edd: please let go of me, this is…….  
Kevin: deal with it, I’m not done yet.

Kevin’s hands slide past his waist and to his right leg, feeling him up through his clothing. Edd could feel himself beginning to panic.

Edd: t….too close, too close.  
Kevin continues to pinch and prob his body: relax Skeletor. Shit, even your legs are bony. Ever heard of a sandwich.  
Edd: K…kevin please, I don’t like it when……  
Kevin slides his hand up the pants legs to feel the skin underneath: what’s the big……  
Edd shakes violently and screams: LET GO OF ME NOW.

With one swift kick to the face, Kevin was sent sprawling to the floor. He skidded on his back for a bit before coming to a full stop a few meters away from the other male. Time seemed to stand still at that moment as Kevin laid there trying to recollect himself while at the same time stifle the pain in his jaw. What saved him partially from a broken jaw were his reflexes. He managed to pull back just a little when he saw the leg fidget, however it still caught him right under his chin. He slowly got up and rubbed his face, testing said jaw for any damages, Double D starts to freak out.

Edd: I…I…I’m so sorry Kevin, I didn’t mean to……  
Eddy chuckles a bit: wow, he got you good, then again with a chin that big how can he miss?  
Edd: Eddy, that’s not funny, he could have seriously been hurt.  
Kevin: I’m fine.

Both men froze looking towards Kevin, the taller male rose up from the ground and locked eyes with Edd. He didn’t expect that, not from someone so wimpy looking. A part of him was pissed, but another part of him was strangely excited, “He’s strong, didn’t think he had it in him, let’s see what else I can get out of him”. He made his way towards Edd in a slow yet menacing manner and flashed him an equally menacing grin.

Kevin: so, you don’t like being touched.  
Edd backs away a little: um….well n…no, but that was no excuse for what I……  
Kevin: I guess it comes with being a human punching bag for most of your life.  
Edd edged towards the wall at the side of the room: I…wouldn’t say that….  
Kevin: the kids at the cul de sac, the bullies in high school, your ex-husband, they messed you up real good didn’t they?  
Edd: y…you don’t have to remind me of……  
Kevin forces him against the wall: you’re getting upset? Great, I would love to see what you’re going to do about it.  
Eddy gets between them and grabs Kevin by the wrist: that’s enough Kevin.

Kevin and Eddy glare at one another, he was starting to get sick and tired of this little runt getting in his face. He looked back up at double D and his eyes widened, Edd was also glaring at him. There it was, anger, defiance, and in Kevin's opinion, the will to fight back. This was what he was looking for, now that he found the will to fight in Edd, all he needed to do was teach him how. Kevin lightly slapped Eddy’s hand away and grinned at Edd.

Kevin: your little friends can’t protect you forever, then again, by the time I’m done with you they won’t have to.  
Eddy’s expression darkens: I’m warning you kev…….

He was interrupted by the sound of the breaking of the door. The three look in shock as Ed comes barreling towards them at top speed. He cries out loudly as Eddy and Kevin jump out of his way and he grabs Edd in a crushing hug.

Ed: NO, DON’T HURT DOUBLE D, HE IS ALLERGIC TO PAIN.  
Kevin looks at him shocked: what the fuck is this now? NAZ GET IN HERE.  
Naz comes running through the door: oh wow, this dude is fast for a big guy.  
Ed: HE’S TRAINING DOUBLE D EDDY,   
Eddy: yeah no shit Ed, that’s what we’re supposed to do.  
Ed: but he’s allergic, a punch to the face gives him hives.  
Edd: Ed please, you’re suffocating me.  
Eddy: Ed put double D down already.  
Ed’s bottom lip quivers: no more pain for Double D, remember? We promised Eddy.

The other two ed’s gawked at him for a bit while Naz slowly tries to approach the distraught man. Double D smiles at her and puts a hand up, he’s got this. He then motioned for Ed to put him down, the other male was resistance for a bit but was still able to let his friend go. If anything could have been said about their dimwitted friend, it’s that he was the sweetest person they had ever known. Eddy’s expression softened as he joined Edd in consoling said friend.

Eddy: I know we promised, big guy, but this is kind of a different situation from that.  
Edd: Kevin is going to help Eddy and I get stronger, he is here to help me not hurt me.  
Eddy: and when he stops being a creepy, manipulative asshole then maybe we could learn something useful from him. Not going to lie to you though, we will get hurt a few times.  
Edd: yes, we most definitely will, but it is all part of the process. We promise that everything will be ok in the end, I will be just fine in Kevin’s capable hands. Right, Kevin?  
Kevin smirks at him: oh I definitely intend on putting my capable hands all over y….OWW, geez Naz.  
Naz glared at him after elbowing him in the ribs: what he really means is, we will both do the best we can to help all three of you become better stronger secret agents. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, you think you’re ready to come back with me?

Ed looks back at Double D: are you sure?  
Edd: of course  
Eddy: don’t worry about us lumpy, we’re good.   
Ed hesitates a little but takes Naz’s hand: ok

Ed allows himself to be quietly led out of the room as the three men watch. Kevin looked at the whole scene with a mixture of amazement and annoyance. It was like Eddy and Double D were the parents consoling their child. Ed looked behind him at his two friends who both flashed him their versions of a comforting smile. But when they turned their attention back to Kevin their smiles melted away and went back to glaring at him. Kevin grumbled under his breath and scratched the back of his head, there was something about their connection that irked the hell out of him, “this is going to be a fucking ordeal isn’t it?” he thought to himself as he walked towards them to start their training.


	5. Chapter 5

Eddy launched at Kevin, delivering a high kick to his head, but missed when the other male ducked down low to avoid him. Their evaluation had begun and much to Eddy’s chagrin he was the first to go since he has had previous fighting experience. With unbelievable amounts of energy, he loudly attempts a fly kick only for Kevin to grab him leg and fling him around the room. He then slammed the shorter man to the ground with a sickening thud. Edd cringed at the sound and gazed at the scene in fear, he knew he was going to be next and seeing them nearly pummel one another was steadily causing him to have a panic attack. To calm his rising anxiety, he focused on Kevin’s every movements, figuring out ways to get out of every hold, avoid every punch and kick as well as look for any weak spots he may have. While he mentally worked out his strategies, Eddy on the other hand shouted every single curse word in the book while rolling around on the ground in pain. 

Edd: Language Eddy  
Eddy: FUCK OFF Double D  
Edd: there’s no need to be rude.  
Eddy: Why don’t you say something to him?  
Edd: that was a standard move, there is a way to block it.

Kevin’s attention was immediately drawn back to him, he didn’t realize he was being watched so closely. He just thought that the timid male was in a corner, quivering in fear of his turn. The distraction allowed Eddy to get up, kick Kevin’s leg out from under him and tried to deliver a spin kick. Kevin recovered quickly caught Eddy’s leg and pushed the shorter males body back onto the floor. He then swiftly got up and backed away from him increasing the space between them.

Kevin: NO SHOW BOATING SHORTY. If you’re going to take me down, then take me down.  
Eddy gets back up and in his face: THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO DO.  
Kevin: you didn’t have to make it a spin kick, you could have just taken me out like this.

Kevin kicked one of Eddy’s legs out from under him causing the shorter male to shout and lose his balance. While the other male fell on one knee, he took Eddy’s head and kneed him in the face. Eddy shouted again and fell backwards onto the floor. Edd cringed as his friend rolled around on the floor clutching his nose.

Eddy: FUCKING DAMMIT, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?  
Kevin: relax, I held back a little so at the most, you’re going to see some swelling.  
Edd runs to Eddy’s side: you didn’t have to be so harsh with him, you could have broken something.  
Eddy: I better not be bleeding shovel chin.  
Kevin: listen losers, if you think this is rough you are in for one hell of a wake-up call when we put you out on the field. We often deal with terrorist organizations, and spies from other countries, they don’t give a shit about how fancy your spin kicks are, or your technique, all they want to do is kill you and take your shit. Your little demonstrations are going to get you killed out there. So, I suggest you stop trying to impress me and double dork over here and take this fight seriously.

Eddy took his hand away from his nose and once he was sure he was not bleeding, he slowly got up from the floor. Edd gave him a concerned look but slowly returned to where he was standing watching them. Eddy stood up and straightened his back, it made him look about an inch or 2 taller but he still found himself a few feet shorter then Kevin which only served to piss him off further. He quietly placed one foot behind the other widening his legs a bit. He then raised his fists up to his face, each were on either side of his chin. 

Kevin recognized the position and frowned: you know kickboxing, where did you learn it? The discount mall dojo near your neighborhood?

Eddy closed the distance with a speed that caught Kevin off guard. He then delivered a quick uppercut to the other male’s face sending him tripping backwards over his own feet. He became disoriented for a moment trying to calm the sudden ringing in his head. He recovered but rose to his feet a bit unbalanced again grabbing his chin, this was the second time his chin fell victim to these dorks, and it was getting annoying. Eddy stayed where he was but grinned cockily at Kevin.

Eddy: mall dojo my ass, I was taught while fighting in underground cage matches in Vegas.   
Edd: underground cage fights? Aren’t those illegal?  
Eddy: everything I did was illegal; besides I needed the money and since we all can’t land scholarships and get carted away to Harvard that was my life after high school.  
Kevin: interesting, I learned mines from an instructor during hell week at the CIA training camp. I also know taekwondo and capoeira.

Kevin pauses momentarily to take off his shirt and flex his muscles: as you can see Double D, these fighting styles are great for chiseled rock-hard bodies like mine. I also have amazing stamina, I can basically go for hours if you know what I mean.

Edd rolls his eyes: I am quite aware of the positive physical benefits of being a meat-headed jock.  
Eddy chuckles: OOOOH DENIED. Are we gonna fight or what Romeo?

Kevin frowned at him and positioned himself in his own stance, he then threw the first punch with a straight jab which was deflected and countered by a right hook in which he dodged. The two embark on a fight club style battle as they circled around one another searching for an opening. Kevin did a straight sidekick on Eddy aiming for his head but that move was blocked as well. He pushed the leg away from him and delivered a straight kick directly on Kevin’s stomach. The other male crouched away from him, but Eddy followed him and went for another jab which Kevin managed to block. Kevin smiled a bit as they kept on sparring, his job is proving to be a lot easier then he thought it would be. Eddy can fight, all he needed to do was dump the theatrics, curb his temper and remove his distractions. The last part might be a challenge; besides money, the only other distraction was……. his thoughts were interrupted when Eddy jumped up trying to knee him in the chest. Kevin sidestepped him avoiding the maneuver and swiftly jump kicked him in the stomach and off his feet. Eddy retracted into a ball as he fell to the floor, but quickly got up and repositioned himself in his fighting stance ignoring the throbbing pain in his stomach. Kevin stood up straight and clapped his hands.

Kevin: great, you managed to not only maintain your focus through the fight but also recover. I’d say I was impressed but I’m not the type of teacher who gives out gold stars for shit you’re supposed to do.  
Eddy straightens and frowns at him: wait, we’re done already?  
Kevin: yep, I know which direction I need to go with your training, so we’re done here.

Eddy quirked an eyebrow but moved back towards Edd rubbing his still throbbing stomach. He then flashed a concerned look at his friend who at this point seemed like he was trying to disappear into the background as much as possible.

Eddy: listen, Kevin, could you take it easy on…….  
Kevin: NOT HAPPENING, Double D you’re up.  
Edd: I…I’m not sure I can…...  
Kevin was in his face in a heartbeat: first, the word “can’t” does not exist in my vocabulary.  
Edd: but that’s not what I sai….  
Kevin: second, we’re not going to keep you around just for your brains, your part of our team now, you need be able pulling your own weight. Come on.

Kevin grabbed his wrist and yanked him onto the middle of the matted floor ignoring the resistance the other male was giving him. Edd cringed fearfully and weakly pawed at Kevin’s hand, hoping he would get the hint and let go of him, unfortunately, he didn’t. He pulled the frightened nerd to stand in front of him and held that same hand up in front of him. 

Kevin: spread your fingers out.  
Edd complied: ok

Kevin’s eyes bore into Edd’s as he gave his instructions: now, press your fingers together.

Edd follows his instruction pressing his fingers together all the while looking at Kevin in confusion. 

Kevin continues: keep your fingers together and fold them into the palm of your hand. 

Edd does so suddenly realizing what Kevin was trying to get him to do. 

Kevin smirked continuing: now latch your thumb over your second folded finger.  
Edd did so and looked over at Kevin confused: you could have just simply asked me to make a fist.

Kevin: you would have probably placed that thumb over the third finger or pissed me off like most recruits and hide the thumb underneath all four folded fingers. Which would result in me breaking your damn hands during a sparring match or your fist crumbling from the force of a direct jab. This is a tight fist, this will be your very first weapon of choice. Once you have mastered the fist, we will move on to the legs, once you have mastered that then and only then will you be trained to shoot a gun. 

Eddy: Hey wait a second, how come he doesn’t get a sparring session but I did.  
Kevin: He doesn’t know how to fight, it’ll be like sucker-punching a 5-year-old….in a wheelchair…. with epilepsy……and two missing arms….  
Edd reacts bitterly: I get it I’m weak  
Kevin chuckles: right, hold your fists up in front of your face.

Edd followed his order, making his left hand into a tight fist and holding both up in front of him exposing his forearms as a sort of shield. Kevin suddenly delivers a hard and fast hit with the palms of his hands directly at Edd’s forearms causing the man to teeter backward, it wasn’t a punch but the force of it caused him to quickly lose his footing and fell to the floor clutching his now pained forearms. Kevin approached him again sticking his hand out only for Double D to flinch away from him expecting another attack. The smarter male recoiled into a semi-fetal position and put his hands up to protect himself. 

Kevin frowned: nope can’t have that.

He kneeled to Edd’s eye level and stared at him blankly waiting patiently for Edd to stop quivering like an injured rabbit. Edd slowly looked up at him realizing that he was no longer in danger, he then put his hands down and slowly sat up, a mixture of pain and embarrassment etched on his face.

Kevin: I want you to understand something. You’re not the victim anymore, I don’t want to see you quiver in fear, I don’t want to see you flinch away from a hit and I sure as hell don’t want you looking at me like I’m your drunk ex-husband. When we are in this room, I am your mentor, when we are sparing, I am your equal. Act like it. Now get up, we’re going to try this again and again until you are used to it.

And so, they did, each turn Kevin would deliver a fast-open palmed hit to Edd’s forearms and send him flying to the floor. After the 10th time Edd’s body still shook and quivered but more from the exertion and pain, he didn’t cower away when Kevin offered a hand to help him back up and his pain became more of an annoyance then the death sentence he was treating it as. After this Kevin showed him other ways to dodge an attack like bobbing and weaving and deflections. The smarter male picked up on them quickly and used a different dodge technique each time. Without warning, Kevin decided to use his fists and went after him fast and hard. Edd panicked a bit but dodged almost all his attacks, however towards the end his exhaustion got the better of him and he received a jab to the face for his troubles. He was once again launched backward onto the floor and cried out in pain holding the bridge of his nose. He stayed on the floor while Kevin waited patiently for him to recover. Eddy also waited but wanted desperately to help him up, instead, he opted to mentally urge his friend to get up. Edd took a few deep breathes through his mouth and wiped the small trickle of blood that spurted out of his nose. He then slowly rose to his feet; his body shook uncontrollably and there were a few tears running down his face, but he faced Kevin with a look of determination in his eyes and the two quietly continued. After what seemed like forever, Kevin decided once again to surprise Double D and delivered a few rights and left hooks. Edd weaved through them avoiding both, Kevin tried it again but this time they were followed by a straight jab. Edd was ready for this one, he used the momentum of the attack and quickly disarmed him by grabbing his arm and flipping the taller male over his shoulder. He slammed Kevin to the ground earning him a cheerful yelp from Eddy, it was the most cathartic moment he had ever had the pleasure of witnessing since he got there, and he was going to enjoy it. Edd, on the other hand, snapped back to his usual timid self and freaked out for the second time that day.

Edd: Oh, my goodness, Kevin, are you alright?  
Eddy: HA, TAKE THAT BAZOOKA CHIN  
Edd kneels to Kevin’s side: Kevin, I’m so sorry, speak to me. Are you ok? Is there a first aid kit nearby? I believe I might have broken some………

He was immediately interrupted when Kevin’s hand shot out and yanked him onto the floor. Once Edd’s back hit the ground, Kevin was on top of him straddling his waist. He then rested his hands on either side of Edd’s head and smiled down at him.

Kevin: Was it good for you baby, because that was amazing  
Edd tries to push him away: GAH, TOO CLOSE, TOO CLOSE  
Kevin: two things. One never apologize for taking down your opponent. I didn’t say a damn thing when I punched you in the face, so you don’t have to show me the same courtesy. Two, dude you are really going to have to get used to me touching you because I am going to be doing it A LOT during our sessions.

Edd wraps his arms around himself and eyes him suspiciously, this guy has been making passes at him since they met, so it was clear what his intentions were.

Edd: I do not have to tolerate you touching me in such a provocative manner. ARE YOU STRADDLING MY HIPS?  
Kevin chuckles at Edd’s sudden realization: relax dork, I’m keeping it above the waist.  
Eddy rolls his eyes: dude seriously, you are all kinds of thirsty.  
Edd: REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY PERSONAL SPACE THIS INSTANT.

Kevin laughed heartily at Edd’s freak out and got up. He offered a hand to Edd, but he didn’t accept it, instead, he got up and straighten his wrinkled-up clothes. Both men stared at him with awe as cascades of black hair unraveled down the middle of his back. Edd followed their gaze and he touched his head. Realizing what they were looking at, he quickly retrieved his beanie from off the floor. He blushed and turned away from them both as he tried to fix his hair back into his beanie.

Eddy: Woah, haven’t seen that in a while, forgot how long your hair was.  
Kevin: you look better without the sock on your head, how about you lose it.  
Edd ignores his order for the moment and glares at him: how about no, I will follow whatever order you give me, but the beanie stays, is that understood?

Kevin’s eyes widened at his commanding voice, and now it was his turn to blush, “that was fucking hot”, he thought as he regained his composure and tried to keep his expression neutral.

Kevin: fine, since you’re going to be a pansy about it, the beanie stays.  
Eddy smirks in satisfaction: damn right it does.  
Kevin: whatever, we’re done for today, I have everything I need to kick off your individualized training sessions. Double D, you have a lot more to learn so I am going to have to give you most of my time and attention.  
Edd sighs in defeat: of course, you are  
Kevin: Eddy, we need to add more muscles to your mid-section and continue to strengthen your kickboxing skills. You’ll also be ready for arsenal training, Naz will introduce you to our guns expert in the morning. She will also be taking care of your security clearances and issue your new identification badges.  
Eddy smiles: sweet.  
Kevin grins at them and leads them towards the door: get some rest, we have a long couple of months ahead of us.


	6. Chapter 6

8 months later

Eddy: you mean to tell me that if you saw your Ex again you would not kick his ass upon seeing him.  
Edd: absolutely not  
Eddy: why not? You basically can now.   
Edd: that does not mean I should. Two wrongs don’t make a right Eddy.  
Eddy chuckles: You're better than me Double D, I would have taken every high tech gadget at my disposal, track his home and kick him in the dick a few hundred times.  
Edd: that wouldn’t solve anything, besides I am not stooping to his level.   
Kevin: you’re so hot when you’re lying your ass off.  
Edd frowned at the voice through his earpiece: I am not lying, we all can’t be impulsive Neanderthals like you.   
Kevin: You know I am very flattered at the amount of time and energy you spend coming up with ways to avoid how extremely attracted you are to me.  
Edd: Oh please.  
Naz: guys focus.

Both Ed and Double D straightened themselves, they were both dressed in black suits complete with small ear-pieces to hear their bosses in the control room. They were standing in front of a brown wooden door, they were on a practice mission but that still didn’t do anything for Edd’s rising anxiety. The room they were guarding contained a large blue diamond, it belonged to the prime minister of a place simply known as, “The Old Country”. Ed was elsewhere guarding the prime minister, his mission was to get him from point A which was the charity event held in the first-floor dining floor, to point B which was the diamond room 8 floors above without using the elevator. Eddy and Edd were only to protect the diamond, and Eddy for one was getting bored.

Eddy looks at his watch: it’s time.  
Edd: I believe one of us should be inside with the diamond.  
Eddy: go for it Double D.  
Edd: why me? You’re the stronger fighter here.  
Eddy: yeah, but you have a knack for talking your way out of an ass-kicking.  
Edd: which does nothing for me in this particular situation.  
Naz: one of you needs to get in there. Like yesterday.  
Edd: oh for goodness sake, I’m going in.  
Kevin: just remain calm and don’t freeze up.  
Edd: I won’t.

Edd unbuttoned the suit jacket and reached for the gun in his holster. He held it firmly in his hands and opened the door gently. The diamond was sitting there on a red velvet pillow inside of a glass case standing on a marble pedestal. He slowly entered the room turning the lights on as he moved further towards the diamond. He looked around the room, the ceiling and crept towards the window curtains. There was nothing, sighing a bit in relief he spoke to his partner through the ear-piece.

Edd: all clear,   
Eddy: GAH, GODDAMIT

He heard a bunch of noises from the other side of the door but did not move from where he was. Eddy could handle the assault outside of the room, their mission is to protect the diamond and that is what he was going to do. He turned the gun to the other side of the room upon hearing a slight rustling behind him. His hands began to shake and he struggled to regain control of his gun.

Kevin: deep breaths Double D.

Edd took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled, the noise on the other side of the door quieted down a bit. Edd noticed something in a peripheral vision and instantly turned around in that direction pointing his gun at the enemy. The figure was dressed in black complete with a black mask hiding his face, Edd shot his gun at the masked figure only to miss when the figure dodged it and rushed after him. The figure kicked the gun out of his hand and landed another kick to his stomach causing him to fall right into the pedestal with the diamond. Edd instantly turned around and steadied the pedestal before it fell but was attacked once again as the figure wrapped his arm around his neck in a chokehold. Edd turned his body to the right of the man, bent down low and roughly slipped his head out from under his assault. He then elbowed him in the face, knocking him out instantly. He immediately looked towards the diamond only to see another masked man reaching it. Edd went after him straight punching him in the face and kneeing him in the rib cage. Another masked figure appeared and fly kicked him in the side throwing him against the wall on the other side. The figure then proceeded to cut the glass case with a laser beam emitted by his watch. Edd quickly got up and uppercut him in his side, kicked his right leg out from under him, grabbed his face and slammed his entire body onto the floor. The nerdy male was beginning to gain his confidence and eagerly searched the room for his next target. He heard a footstep behind him by the door, he then heard a gunshot and everything around him turned red. He looked around confused as everything stood still and remained tinted red.

Kevin: you’re done, Double Dweeb.  
Edd: B…but what happened?

Edd put his hands to his head and removed his VR helmet, he squinted his eyes in the bright white room and tried to focus his vision on the two occupants on the other side of a large windowed dark room. Naz waved to him in a friendly yet sympathetic manner while Kevin just gazed at him sternly. 

Kevin: you lost track of your gun, you were so busy with the men in the room that you completely forgot you lost your gun. Also, you didn’t seem to take into account that the masked men were coming from the door behind you.  
Edd messages his right temple: there were so many of them coming at me, I…I couldn’t keep track of anything.  
Ed: THE CHICKEN IS IN THE HEN HOUSE, MISSION COMPLETE NAZ.  
Naz looks at her monitor and smiled: OMG, Ed you are awesome, great job.

Ed broke out into a wide smile, practically glowing from the praise. He removed his helmet and squinted at his friends incredibly proud of himself. Edd fought back to sudden twinge of jealously and gave his friend a small smile.

Edd: well done Ed, I am very proud of you.  
Ed blushes: aww, thanks Double D, I just had to remember to keep my gun with me at all times, look around the area before entering each floor and make sure that Rolf is protected on all sides.  
Edd’s eyes widened: O…oh, I see.  
Eddy: HEY, why’s everything red?  
Kevin: and another one bites the dust.  
Eddy: did we lose our Wifi connection? Why’s the game frozen?  
Kevin sighs: you’re done short shit.  
Eddy: what the hell? I kept them from entering the room.  
Naz looks at her monitor: well, you elbowed the 3rd guy in the ribs but you didn’t knock him out. Looks like he had a knife, he came up behind you while you had “Masked man number 8” in a headlock. He slits your throat, sorry Eddy.  
Eddy: oh man.

Eddy removes his helmet and cringes at the bright walls. Edd looks over at him as he sank down to his knees exhausted from the workout and stared down at his helmet. 

Eddy: Hey Kev, can I do it again?  
Edd looked up at Eddy then at Kevin: me too, I would like another try.  
Kevin: don’t see why not, give us a minute to restart the program. Ed takes off the VR suit and join Naz in the control room.  
Ed: YES SIR, COMMANDER SHOVEL CHIN

Kevin sent a glare towards Eddy who laughed at his expense, “you’re going to pay for that you little midget”, he thought to himself watching Ed leave the room. Naz clicked a few buttons and offered Ed a seat next to her as he came in.

Naz: simulation to commence in 5 minutes.

Both of the remaining Ed’s put their helmets back on and the simulation. They found themselves at the entrance of the room again and simultaneously take a deep breath. Edd gripped the handle of the door while grabbing his gun from its holster, they nod to one another as he walks into the room. He closed the door behind him and scanned the room, just like before it was empty and quiet. He then looked forward and noticed there was now a window behind where the diamond was still sitting on its pedestal. It looked as though it was nightfall, he would have admired the intricate detail of the stars emanating in the night sky but then a masked man kicks his gun out of his hand which in a way woke him up. Edd dove for his gun grabbed it, rolled onto his knees and fired on the man’s knee caps before putting a bullet through his head. He then shot off two more, one at the man lurking near the diamond and another at the man coming through the door. 3 more came into the room and charged after him, he took two of them out with his gun and bashed the third guy with the butt of it. He then rammed the man’s head into the concrete painted wall and locked the door to prevent anyone else from getting in. Meanwhile, Eddy was doing fairly well himself, he had found the man with the knife charging after him while he tried to fight off two other men. He quickly punched both of them in the face and caught the knifemen just as he was about to stab him. Gripping the knifeman by his wrist, he yanked his knife directly into one of the previous two guys, stabbing them in the stomach. The other of the two men still alive threw a right hooked punch at Eddy who swiftly ducked. The man’s fist rammed into the door, the distraction allowed Eddy to back kick the knifeman away from his knife leaving it still inside of man number two. Eddy took the knife out of his stomach, stabbed the, “one punch man” in the throat, rotated the knife in his hand and swing his arm back, ramming the knife into the knifeman’s chest. 4 more men were suddenly charging at him, Eddy grabbed his gun from its holster and put a bullet through 3 of them before realizing he was straying away from the very door he was trying to guard. He chanced a glance behind him noticing another masked man heading for the door. He bent over to pull the knife out of the knifeman’s chest and flung it at the intruder catching him in his eye before spinning around to the remaining masked man heading towards him to put one last bullet in his head. He stood there for a moment catching his breath and looking around for more enemies when no more came he relaxed.

Eddy: sooooo what? Am I done?  
Naz: yeah  
Eddy: YES!!!!!  
Naz: with round one, I will now launch round two.  
Eddy: wait a minute, there’s a round two?

To answer his question a crowd of men charged after him from both the left and the right of the hallway, this time with weapons of their own ranging from baseball bats with nails in them to machine guns. Eddy looked from side to side and nervously readied his gun.

Eddy: WHAT THE HELL NAZ????? 

Back inside the room, Edd was fighting off two more masked men. He straight kicked man #1 in the chest sending him flying across the room. Man #2 threw a series of punches his way, one caught him in the chin, but the last one missed allowing Edd to move to his side and deliver some well-placed jabs to their rib cage. Man#2 teetered away but Man #1 flew at Edd trying to dropkick him, Edd moved to the side with one turn and smoothly brings out his gun shooting the man in the back of the head. Man#2 snuck up behind him and once again tried to put him in a chokehold. Edd delivered a hard backward punch to the man’s crotch causing him to slink away in pain. Edd then put a bullet in the top of his head and searched around the room trying to figure out where they were all coming from. He locked the door yet more and more seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed two more dropping from the ceiling and immediately put two and two together. Edd rushed forward leaped and connected his knee with the first man’s Adam's apple and deflected a punch from the other one. He then grabbed the man’s head and bashed it against his knee. While another masked man landed on the floor from the now noticeable hole in the tiled ceiling. Edd delivered a roundhouse kick practically taking off the other man’s head, he then waited for more men to drop in. He grabbed the next one by the ankles, forced him on the floor, then brought his foot down on the man’s head, crushing his skull. Everything went quiet from that moment on, there were no more men coming in through the ceiling and the door was locked so there were no more of them barging in.

Edd: I….I think I’m done.  
Naz: think again.  
Edd: w…what do you mean  
Naz: on to round two  
Edd: round two?

The whole room started to rattle a bit, Edd immediately readied his gun arming himself for an attack. The sound of propellers came from the window and Edd backed up away from it. He backed into a couched that basically popped in out of nowhere behind him and became distracted by it. He looked back at the window only to see a masked man hanging from a rope ladder with a machine gun in his hand. Edd turned to leap over the couch but it was too late, along with the sound of the machine gun going off his world turned red.

Edd: OH COME ON, a machine gun? Really?  
Kevin: expect the unexpected Double Dweeb.  
Naz: still you have to admit Kev, he did a lot better than the last time

Edd took off his helmet and was panting a little, they had made him take off his signature hat, so at this moment he felt like a hairy rat drenched in sweat. He was in desperate need of a shower, yet at the same time, he wanted to keep going. He stood there conflicted as he watched Eddy jump, flip, kick and punch the air struggling to get through the dreaded round two. He then sighed and looked over at Kevin, he was basting in his own juices and couldn’t take it anymore.

Edd: I think I’m done for the day Kevin, I need a shower.  
Kevin smirked: need help washing your back?  
Edd smirked back: I think I can handle washing my own back thank you very much.  
Kevin: your loss

Edd unzipped his VR suit and rested his helmet on the ground, he then peeled it off of himself and revealing a white tank top and spandex black shorts. He sighed in relief as the air-conditioned room cooled his hot skin. He flipped his long hair over his left shoulder and combed his fingers through it before noticing he was being watched. 

Kevin blushed: you sure you don’t need a hand in the shower.  
Edd also blushed and looked away: I’m fine Kevin, good day to you.  
Kevin eyes his ass as he leaves the room: try not to drop the soap, Double D

Edd looked back at him appalled as he left and closed the door behind him. Kevin growled slightly as his eyes lingered at the door. 

Kevin: I think I’ll go take a shower too.  
Naz: Kevin don’t  
Kevin: what? I’m using my personal shower, sheesh give me some credit.  
Naz: sorry it’s just you’re a bit aggressively impulsive when it comes to men and I don’t want you to scare him off.  
Kevin: my kid gloves are on with this one babe, promise.  
Naz: good  
Eddy: YES, KISS MY ASS ROUND TWO.

The two looked over at Eddy who was doing a little victory dance having passed the second round. He was panting and sweating buckets, he finally got down on his knees trying to calm his racing heart.

Eddy: HEY NAZ, I’M DONE  
Ed munches on a cookie: EDDY’S THE MAN  
Eddy: damn right I am.  
Naz: I have to admit, your energy and stamina are off the charts, I’m impressed.  
Eddy blushes: uh….thanks  
Naz: in fact, I’m pretty confident that you can move onto round 3  
Eddy: Naz how many rounds are there?  
Naz: 10  
Eddy: holy shit  
Naz: so would you like to quit for the day or move forward.  
Kevin: you’re getting soft Naz, you usually just thrust your victims headfirst into the lion's den without asking.   
Naz smiles and watches Eddy closely: I want to know your limits Eddy, what will it take to break you.  
Eddy raises back to his feet and smirks at her: please chick, I’m fucking limitless, bring it.

Naz bites her lower lip in excitement, it was moments like these that she lived for. Kevin looked over at her with a mixture of concern and amusement.

Kevin: so much for not being aggressively impulsive.  
Naz: oh no, this is different, what I do is completely non-sexual in every way  
Kevin: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.  
Ed: oh, oh can I help? Please, Naz.  
Naz: sure thing big guy, just speak into the mic and tell him round 3 starts in 5 minutes.  
Ed grabs the mic from Naz: EDDY, ROUND 3 STARTS IN 5 MINUTES  
Eddy: JESUS ED, are you trying to blow out my damn eardrums?  
Ed: uh oh, sorry Eddy, round 3 starts in 5 minutes  
Eddy: so I’ve heard  
Naz: good job, but next time try using your inside voice, okay Ed?  
Ed: Okay Dokey miss Naz.

Naz takes the mic back and her smiled widened as she addressed Eddy.

Naz: ok Eddy, show me what you’ve got.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Endnote: Ok, this is for those of you who are 21 years and older, LISTEN UP. Get yourself a large bottle of peach crème wine or your choice of alcoholic delights. Drink half while taking a bubble bath and the other half while watching “Kingsman: the secret service” and eating specifically three taco supremes from taco bell. Why three? 3 is the magic number and any less would be a sin. Especially if they're the Doritos kind. Next, wait until around 4 am and you are in that state that dwells between sleep and the waking world. Two things will happen, one, you’ll probably drunk dial your ex-boyfriend and make fun of his bald, milk dud looking head. Two, you’ll suddenly decide that your fanfic needs a few more action scenes. Can you guess which one I did? lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit short, I didn’t really have anything else to include here but to set up the next one. A few things to clarify before we continue, I think I forgot to say earlier that these characters do not belong to me. I didn’t mention it before because I figured that would be obvious. I also think I might have failed to mention their ages. Everyone is either in their mid 20’s to early ’30s with the exception of Rolf who is 40. More specifically, Eddy and, Edd is 26, Ed is 24, Kevin is 33, Johnny 2x4 is 25 and Naz is 29. With that out of the way on to the fic.

Edd finished his shower and reveled in the scent of his bath soap emanating from his skin. He took a small towel off the rake and used it to dry his hair. He then put on his mickey mouse printed pajamas and searched around the room for his blow dryer. At that moment he remembered he allowed Eddy to borrow it and sighed, his room was all the way on the other side of the hallway. With his damp hair dangling loosely down the middle of his back and matching fuzzy slippers on his feet he made his way down the hall. His long bangs slapped against his forehead and face. Annoyed he picked up the pace and crossed an open door, he stopped himself when he realized who was occupying the room he just passed. Kevin was inside the room sitting in a computer chair shirtless and wearing a pair of black-rimmed glasses. He was working intensively with a pair of tweezers and a large magnifying glass bolted to the table. But what interested Edd the most was what he was working on, a large model of the Titanic. The deck opened up revealing the rooms inside and Kevin was gently placing tiny furniture into one of them. 

Edd looked at him a bit shocked: Kevin?  
Kevin jumped a little: Double D? didn’t hear you come in.

Kevin looked at him fully and blushed for the second time that day. Not only did Edd look adorable in those pajamas but his wet long hair made him look almost feminine. Kevin smirked at him and leaned back in his chair.

Kevin: Wow, it’s like your just begging to be pinned on my bed and rammed.  
Edd ignored him and stared at his face: Green  
Kevin: what?  
Edd: your eyes, their green.

Kevin’s eyes widened and he instantly turned away in embarrassment, “dammit I forgot my contacts”, he thought as he nudges his glasses slightly up against the bridge of his nose.

Kevin: could you not tell anyone?  
Edd: about the green eyes, because I don’t see why that should be embarrassing for you. They're pretty.  
Kevin smiled again: uh no, not just about the eyes, but about the glasses.  
Edd: aren’t you a little old to worry about looking like a nerd? This isn’t high school.  
Kevin becomes flustered a bit: n…no it’s not about that either.  
Edd: then what is it?

Kevin sighed and swiveled his chair closer to Edd and eyed his body appreciatively. The other male casually stepped further into the room, ignoring the suggestive gaze as he walked past and sat on Kevin’s bed which was positioned on the other side of his desk. It was a bold move for Edd but he felt comfortable with him due to all the time they spent together and despite the blatant flirting. Kevin rolled his chair in Edd’s direction and leaned back against it.

Kevin: you’re in the lion’s den little lamb, are you sure you wanna sit there?  
Edd: I have the utmost confidence that you will behave yourself during our conversation.   
Kevin sighs: dammit, now I’ll pretty much have to.  
Edd chuckles: now then, why are you hiding the fact that you wear glasses?  
Kevin: it’s more of a job-related thing, you have to be able to see in long distances as well as up close. I have a sort of eye disorder, seeing in long distances is difficult for me without my glasses. During a medical evaluation, I had myself fitted with contacts. I had them on from my training days up till now, I think you’re the only one who has seen my actual eye color. I just don’t want anyone on this team to doubt my leadership credentials and see my sight as a hindrance.  
Edd: is it really that bad?  
Kevin took off his glasses and rested them on the desk: Well as of right now, I know you are sitting on my bed but I can’t make out your facial features or the patterns of your pajamas. It looks like your wearing a black one with white large dots all over it. The area around your end of the room is blurry too, I think you are no more than maybe five or so feet from me.  
Edd: my word  
Kevin: it’s gotten worse throughout the years but I’ve dealt with it pretty well so far.

Kevin’s smile remained on his face as he got up and sat next to Edd, he then positions himself to lay down with his head in Edd’s lap. The other male blushes and tries his best to avoid the other male's gaze.

Kevin: you smell delicious, what is that, Mango?  
Edd: p…papaya…….doesn’t it bother you? I’m not a doctor but it sounds as though you have some form of age-related macular degeneration and you’re only 33. You might lose your vision before you hit your 60’s maybe 70’s.  
Kevin: it did bother me at first, but if it gets too bad and the contacts aren’t enough, I can always go in for laser surgery. There’s no guarantee how well that would work nor for how long but at least I could say I tried. If anything, I decided a while ago to take in as many beautiful sights and as many beautiful people as my eyesight allows. I can burn the images of friends, family, and lovers into my brain and carry them with me as I embark on my descent into the blurry abyss. 

They stare at each other for a bit, neither not really knowing what to say to the other. Kevin could see his face clearly at this point and what he saw he liked. Pools of black hair framed Edd’s face, his mouth was closed and his deep cerulean eyes scanned his emerald green ones as though he was truly seeing him for the very first time. Kevin suddenly puts his hands up and forms a small box with his fingers, as if checking how Edd’s face would look on a T.V screen. He then makes a clicking camera noise with his mouth and flashes him another flirtatious smile.

Kevin: Just storing this moment in the old memory banks, it’s a keeper.  
Edd chuckled again and continued to look down at him: I’ll admit, you are certainly the most charming man I’ve ever met Mr. Barr. Well besides Ed.  
Kevin pretends to shoot himself in the head: oh god, I’m losing to the incredible lump. Just kill me now.

Edd laughed and Kevin watched him, closely taking in the moment, he enjoyed this. Seeing that gap-toothed smile on the other male's face made his evening. After the laughter died down, Edd instinctively rested his arm on Kevin’s chest. Kevin’s gaze shifted to Edd’s hair, he reached up and gently took a few strands of it between his fingers, analyzing and making a mental note of its color and how soft it felt. The two stared at each other again and after while something passed between them. Edd promised himself a long time ago that he would never fall for another jock or bad boy or tough guy again. Kevin reminded him so much of his ex yet at the same time he clearly wasn’t. He was bold, flirtatious, crude at times, pushy, and rough around the edges. On the other hand, he was also charming, outgoing, ridiculously blatant with his true intentions and despite his condition oddly positive. That was however just what he saw on the surface, as Edd continued to drown in those emerald green orbs he found himself wanting to know more about him. He was so lost in his musings about Kevin that he failed to notice the other male slowly get up. He blinked and froze for a moment as Kevin’s hand gently cupped his cheek. He could feel his body reacting to the other male's presence, “how long has it been since I’ve had sex?”, Edd wondered as Kevin’s face became uncomfortably close. That thought was enough to wake him from whatever trance he was under and he quickly stood up from the bed, leaving Kevin hanging and slightly confused. He was shocked at his own train of thought, since when did he have one night stands with men he barely knew and with his boss no less?

Edd: I should go  
Kevin: you should?  
Edd: I…I honestly only happened by on my way to Eddy’s room, I need my hairdryer back.  
Kevin: keep it wet, you look hot.  
Edd moved quickly towards the door: and catch a massive head cold? I don’t think so. Goodnight Kevin

Kevin rushes over to the desk and puts his glasses back on. He then catches up to Edd but stops at the door as the other male enters the hallway. 

Kevin: hey Double D  
Edd turns to him: yes Kevin  
Kevin pretends to give him a stern look: I will be masturbating to you tonight.  
Edd: uh..um  
Kevin: just thought you should know, thousands of sperm will be sacrificed in your honor.  
Edd’s face turns red: w…what?  
Kevin: it’s not too late, quickly come back inside. Together we shall save them from their tissue-related deaths.  
Edd puts his hand on his already red face and turns quickly to leave: Goodnight Kevin.  
Kevin chuckles: aww come on Double D, don’t let their sacrifices be in vain.  
Edd quickens his pace: I said GOODNIGHT KEVIN.

The next day

Every bone muscle and vein in Eddy’s body ached, Naz had played the simulation 8 times, each time the stacks were higher and the levels were harder. However, it was well worth it, Eddy managed to get to round 7 just after he disarmed the bomb that suddenly appeared behind him with 5 minutes on the timer. The seventh-round involved him transporting the prime minister onto a plane while at the same time looking out for a sniper. He had to be able to search for and call in the location of the sniper and follow the procedures necessary to keep the prime minster safe in the middle of a thunderstorm, an earthquake, and an oncoming tornado. Naz seemed determined to throw everything at him but the kitchen sink. Eddy walked into the meeting room and plopped down on the black cushioned swivel chair. He rested his head on the table and yawned as his two friends entered the room to join him. He looked up slightly at Edd and realized something was off.

Eddy: you alright?  
Edd: I’m fine, why do you ask?  
Eddy: I don’t know…..did you bang someone last night?  
Edd: NO, nothing happened between us.  
Eddy: us?  
Edd: w…well I assumed that…..  
Eddy: dude whatever the hell you two did, I don’t want to hear it.  
Ed: 50 shades of Double D? SAY IT’S NOT SO EDDY  
Eddy: now look what you’ve done, Ed’s traumatized.  
Edd: It’s not so Ed, nothing happened. I…I…

Eddy and Ed suddenly burst into laughter at the flustered male, Edd looks at them realizing he had just been played.

Edd pinched the bridge of his nose: seriously guys  
Eddy: relax Double D, we’re only messing with ya. But seriously though you have really shitty taste in men. He’s like some creepy pervert, always looking at you like he’s dying for you to get in his van.  
Ed: come here Double D, I have free candy inside, just for you.  
Edd: guys, please. He’s not like that at all

They ignored him while in yet another bout of laughter until Kevin entered the room followed by Naz. Edd noticed rather quickly that he had his blue contacts on and made a mental note to himself to not mention their previous conversation in front of the others. Eddy blushed and instantly flashed Naz a flirtatious smile.

Eddy: Hey Naz, sleep well last night?  
Naz: hey eddy, yeah in fact I did. I thought about all the different ways I could torture you in the next simulation.  
Eddy’s smile became anxious: Greeeeaaat. Uh…. Good talk.  
Kevin chuckles: you’ll need all the practice you can get, cause GUESS WHO’S GOT A MISSION FOR YA…..THIS GUY.  
Edd’s eyes widened: wait we have a mission  
Kevin: that we do, gorgeous.  
Ed: COOL, I get to meet prime minster, Rolf?  
Naz: well he’s going to look a little older, the simulation was of him when he was 19. The real Rolf just turned 40 this year. Plus, there’s no diamond in a room to protect, the old country doesn’t believe in the value of diamonds. However, they do believe in the value of gold, so don’t be surprised if he asks any of you to protect Wilfred.  
Eddy: Wilfred?  
Naz: a golden statue of their pig god  
Eddy: oh…..ok?  
Kevin: He’s paying a visit to the United Nations for a peace conference with the prime minister Gerta of Norway. The golden pig is a peace offering from them, afterward, he wants to do some sight-seeing. That’s where you come in, there will be other more experienced agents guarding the surrounding area but you three will be his personal convoy till the end of his trip. It won’t be as crazy as the simulation but it’s like I said before, expect the unexpected.  
Naz: so Eddy, you think your boys are up to the task?  
Eddy: hell yeah, I’m always ready.  
Kevin looks over at Edd: be careful out there, kid.  
Edd gives him a reassuring smile: I will. 

After their bosses left the room the Ed’s continued to chat amongst themselves.

Eddy: ooooh, be careful out there Double D, it’ll break poor Kevin’s heart if anything were to happen to you.  
Edd: grow up Eddy.  
Ed: hey Eddy, looks like Naz likes you.  
Edd: do tell  
Eddy blushes: yeah about that, I’m not sure about her mental stability.  
Edd: um, what do you mean?  
Eddy: how should I put this delicately? …..she’s psychotic.  
Ed: really?  
Eddy: she nearly killed me last night, seriously she enjoys tormenting me way too much.  
Edd: isn’t that an over-exaggeration, besides you keep egging her on. Is it really that hard for you to admit that you can’t handle her simulations?  
Eddy jokes: and sacrifice my mucho man status, no way. I’d rather avoid her altogether and bat for your team Double D  
Edd: so sorry Eddy, but in order to accept you as one of the gays, I am going to need to see your G-card.

Eddy chuckles for a bit, but then stops and looks at the serious look on Edd’s face.

Eddy: wait, you’re not serious.  
Edd speaks in a serious professional tone: of course, I am, effective since 2016 every gay person born in the United States must now carry a G-card which identifies your sexual orientation in an effort to reduce confusion and future misunderstandings. You could get one at the DMV.  
Eddy’s eyes widen: for real?  
Ed: oh yeah I totally heard of that, I tried to invite a girl out the other day and she showed me her G-card identifying her orientation as a class-A scissor sister. Now I know.  
Edd gives him a thumbs-up: and knowing is half the battle.

The two try desperately to stifle their laughter waiting for the other shoe to drop in Eddy’s brain. After a moment of staring at them he suddenly realized he’d just been played.

Eddy: you guys are assholes.


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nat is not my character although I kind of wish he was. He sounds like someone I would make up just, so I can get all my dirty adult jokes out of my system. In most KevEdd fics I have read he’s my favorite character because he reminds me of myself. I am often in full support of trying to get my favorite OTP’s together especially those of the Yaoi variety and I love the campy fun loving yet warm vibe he is often written with. Plus, I would totally be that one kid who would mess with or want to date Double D, he is just such a cutie. Nat’s presence in this story will be brief but I might do something more with him in my next KevEdd fic. Anyway, just wanted to get that out of my system.

Their first mission kicked off at a rather rapid pace, they were woken up at 6 in the morning, hurried through breakfast and carted in to a private jet with their business suites on. Edd adjusted his hat on his head and took in the view from the jet window. They were heading towards JFK airport in New York to meet up with ambassador Rolf. They were also going to meet the other CIA agents who would be on guard. When they arrived, they made their way to the landing strip where Rolf’s private jet was waiting to see the other agents and crew members unpacking his things. As the Ed’s and Kevin make their way to the Jet, Kevin was stopped by a familiar face, a teal green haired man who seemed to be talking to someone in his earpiece. 

Kevin: Nat?

Nat turns in his direction and smiles. He finishes talking to the other person in his earpiece and walks over to the other male as they stopped by him. 

Nat: hey there pop tart.  
Kevin chuckles: you son of a bitch, where’ve you been?  
Nat smiles and hugs him: honey, where have I not been?  
Edd: pop tart?  
Nat keeps his arm around Kevin and uses the other to grope him: because I just love sucking on his tasty filling.  
Edd’s eyes widen with dread: oh my god there’s two of them.  
Eddy: TMI is just an afterthought to you people isn’t it?  
Nat notices Eddy and moves toward him: and there he is, Mr. UFC champion himself.  
Eddy: do I know you?  
Nat shakes Eddy’s hand: names Nathanial, you don’t know me, but I most certainly know you. You’re Eddy “The Badger” Sampson.  
Kevin quirked an eyebrow at Eddy: The Badger?   
Eddy: my stage name back in Vegas  
Nat: I’m sort of a fan of your work. So, tell me, what else can you do with those deadly hands of yours?  
Eddy rolls his eyes: you’ll never find out. Sorry kid, I’m straight as an arrow.  
Nat pouts: too bad, guess I’ll have to go back to molesting you in my dreams.  
Eddy puts on his shades and walks away: yeah, you do that sport. Can we get this show on the road already?  
Nat: such a little heartbreaker. By the way Kev, who are your friends?  
Kevin: this is Edward Vincent and Ed Hill  
Nat laughs: the Ed’s, that’s so cute.  
Edd blushes and offers his hand: we get that a lot, it’s a pleasure to meet you.  
Nat grabs his hand and kisses it: enchanted   
Kevin wraps an arm around Edd: by the way I got dibs on this one  
Edd shrugs him off and walks away: the verdict is still out on that, come on Ed.  
Ed follows but smiles at Nat: by the way, cool dye job, I like green apple Jolly ranchers too, bye.  
Nat touches his hair and frowns: this isn’t a dye job

He stood there slightly offended as the taller male headed to the jet with his friends. Kevin laughed heartily at his friends’ expense and began to walk toward the jet.

Kevin: catch you later Nat  
Nat: hold on a minute, we just got word that Jaguar is on the move.  
Kevin stopped in his tracks: fuck, seriously? Where was he last seen?  
Nat: Idaho, however his crew was spotted transporting a huge weapon through Arizona state lines. We were tracking him for a while before the trail went cold. Apparently, he caught on to us and fled in a different vehicle.   
Kevin: keep me posted.  
Nat: I don’t know Kev, this might turn in to a terrorist situation. You sure your boys can handle it?  
Kevin smirked: won’t know unless we try  
Nat looks at him worried: Kev, I’m not sure if it’s a good idea for you to place your bets on those three little ducklings.  
Kevin: I know my boys Nat, trust me, if there is anything I think they can’t handle, I won’t bother to send them in.  
Nat: if you know what you’re doing.  
Kevin begins to walk away from him smiling: dude, I’ve got this. See ya later Nat.  
Nat: later pop tart

Kevin walks over to the staircase leading into the jet, as he ascends he hears laughter coming from inside. It’s a good sign, it meant that he didn’t have to worry about the Ed’s getting on the prime minister’s bad side. Rolf was sitting in his chair and Ed was sitting next to him petting a chicken who was sitting on his lap. This was the first time Kevin met Rolf in person, so he was a bit taken back by the appearance of the older male. Rolf was a lot taller than he expected but surprisingly fit for a middle-aged man of his position. He was a self-proclaimed, “son of a shepherd”, even though his simple life on the farm was far behind him. He became the prime minister of his country when he was 18 years old shortly after the former prime minister was booted out of office. Rolf regaled the Ed’s with stories of his youth while feeding his pet hog an apple. While he talked, Kevin walked over to Eddy who was trying his best to be patient with the man and Edd stood next to him enjoying the story.

Kevin: is he going to leave this jet anytime soon.  
Eddy: doesn’t look like it, he’s been talking for the past 10 minutes.  
Rolf: I told Nana her massive girth cannot be held by the bartering pole. Cousin Gertrude must be the one to negotiate the trade. In the end we received 2 cows, 3 goats and one large hog, in return the son of a butcher received 4 chickens and 2 of our horses for their yearly stew.   
Kevin’s eyes widened: wait, horses?  
Rolf gets agitated: yes, horses make great stew and their hooves stay crunchy in goats’ milk. NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS BIG CHINNED ONE, thank you.  
Kevin…. ok?  
Rolf: this creature beside me is the very hog I got from the agreement, her name is Gertrude after my beloved departed cousin who soon became my wife. Empty headed one, you are partial to my chicken yes?  
Ed: yeah, I love chickens.  
Rolf: then you shall guard my chicken while you guard me. Yes?  
Ed: Yes sir.  
Rolf turns to Kevin: I like this one, the short one and the sock headed one are too quiet. THE DAY OF SILENCE IS NEXT MONTH ED BOYS.

Both Eddy and Edd gave him confused looks, having no idea what a “Day of Silence” is supposed to entail. Edd looks to Kevin to regain control of the conversation.

Kevin: Uh… not to rush you sir but we really must be going, we have a lot to cover before the banquet.  
Rolf gets up from his seat: yes, yes, I am aware of the time big chinned one, this son of a shepherd owns a Rolex. We will go now. The golden pig will join us on our journey. Come chicken guard, you are to remain by my side for the entire trip.  
Ed gets up and follows him still carrying the chicken: aye aye captain.

The other Ed’s follow them, and Kevin follows behind them, this was proving to be the start of a very long day. 

A few hours later

Eddy was beyond bored, he wasn’t expecting the wild and ridiculous scenarios of the simulations, but he felt that he would at least get to run somewhere or block a trespasser or regulate a line of visitors there to see the prime minister in person. Instead, they escorted him to the conventional hall at the UN to greet the prime minister of Norway. Then they escorted him to meet with the president of the United States for a few photo ops. Then they escorted him to the Museum of Natural history for a charity banquet. Now they were escorting him to his hotel at the Marriott Marquis, and he found himself guarding the door along with Edd while Kevin and Ed remained inside with Rolf. Instead of a CIA agent, Eddy felt like nothing more than a literal escort.

Eddy: I swear if I listen to another story about his goat farm, I’m going to shoot myself.  
Edd: I happen to admire how down to earth he is, he seems determined to not forget about his roots or the people who propelled him to power. It’s quite endearing.  
Eddy: well I’m glad one of us enjoys it.   
Kevin’s voice comes in through their earpiece: hey guys there’s a large group of people coming in, their heading for our floor.  
Edd: thanks Kevin, we’re on it.

The two Ed’s fixed themselves and straightened their postures, this could just be a group of visitors on vacation, but one couldn’t be too sure. The elevators to the right of them opened, and the two instinctively tensed, a by product of their simulated training. A group of people came out of the elevator, they consisted of about 6 men dressed in matching gold uniforms heading to their hotel rooms. The Ed’s relaxed a bit until one of the guys stopped and noticed Eddy, he patted the guy next to him to get his attention.

Guy#1: hey Rob, is that who I think it is?

Rob moves toward Eddy and eyes him closely causing him to back up a little from the sudden attention.

Eddy: um…. can I help you with something?  
Rob: dude, are you the badger? Max, I think this guy is the Badger.  
Eddy becomes nervous: uh…n..no I think you are mis……  
Max: dude, YOU’RE EDDY SAMPSON, HEY GUYS IT’S EDDY SAMPSON.

The other members of their wrestling team move towards them and crowd around Eddy. Edd steps directly in front of the door, also getting increasingly nervous.

Max: YOUR LAST FIGHT WAS LEGENDARY.  
Rob: dude what are you doing here? Are you fighting tonight? Oh, shit are you here for a rematch with King Titus?  
Eddy: no one cares about that dramatic loser. He fucking cheats at every match.  
Edd leans in to whisper in Eddy’s ear: I thought you said those boxing matches were illegal.   
Eddy: I thought they were.  
Rob laughs: illegal? Nah man, that shit was televised dog, you’re famous.  
Eddy’s widened: oh…...well…...shit, hey Double D, I’m famous.  
Edd: so, I’ve heard, eddy we can’t have all this attention on us.  
Eddy turns to the group: look guys, I’m sorry, but you’ve got to go. I’m working right now.  
Max: oh, wait a minute, I need a picture. The bros back home are not going to believe this.  
Rob: dude, could you sign my jersey?

The other members of the group begin to ramble making various demands for photo ops and autographs. Eddy glances over at Edd silently apologizing to him for the ruckus, Edd sighed and stays at the door while Eddy tries to get the group to go away by giving them what they want.

Kevin: what’s going on out there?  
Edd: apparently Eddy is famous  
Kevin: for what? Being the world’s largest lawn gnome?  
Edd ignores the joke: his illegal boxing matches aren’t so illegal. They were more like televised events.  
Kevin: ok, that can be a problem. Look I’m coming out to switch with Eddy, just stay where you are.

Eddy finished the last autograph and waved at the group as they left to their hotel rooms. The door opened, and Kevin joined Edd and Eddy out in the hall way.

Kevin: illegal boxing match huh?  
Eddy: what? I thought they were illegal.  
Kevin: you sure you didn’t just say they were illegal just, so you could come out looking like a badass.  
Eddy: hell no, I don’t give a shit what you think. What are you doing here anyway?  
Kevin grins: you’re drawing too much attention to yourself, I’m here to switch places with you.  
Eddy grins back: you sure you’re not just making up an excuse to spend more time with Double D?  
Kevin answers sarcastically: yeah, that’s it, I’m potentially endangering the safety of the prime minister just, so I can get some ass.  
Eddy: wouldn’t put it past you at this point.

Edd chuckles as Eddy enters the room, leaving Kevin there to guard his side of the door. Kevin then smiles at Edd who in turn smiled back.

Kevin: so…you come here often?  
Edd giggles: yes, I come here every night, just so I can stand in front of this door.

Kevin chuckles a little before his eyes connected with Edd’s again. He then looked ahead of him trying to maintain a professional demeanor.

Kevin: quite distracting me dork.  
Edd: I should say the same to you


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This interlude is just the boys hanging out and relaxing, there’s a little skit with Kevin and Nat in here, it is based on something that I actually witnessed on the train ride home from work a while back but I changed it a bit. It happened so long ago that I can’t remember the details but I will never forget how it ended. Anyway, WARNING, WARNING, THERE WILL BE A MASSIVE USE OF THE WORD "FAGGOT" IN THIS CHAPTER, IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY THIS DON'T READ. I will include chapter 10 for those of you who want to skip ahead.

After what seemed like forever the Ed’s and Kevin were done with their shift and headed to their hotel rooms to change into their civilian gear. However, it was around 10 pm and Kevin was not ready to go to bed, the crew decided to head to the bar. Tonight, was karaoke night and Kevin were determined to not miss it. Apparently, great minds think alike because Nat was already there knocking back a few shots and flirting with the male bartender. He turned slightly noticing the group come over and joined them in the dining area for a few more drinks.

Edd: guys, let’s not partake too heavily tonight, we still have work in the morning.  
Nat: relax Double delish, we’re keeping it at four drinks minimum.

He scoots closer to Eddy and flashes him a big smile.

Nat: good evening Mr. Sampson.  
Eddy answers blandly: sup Nat, being creepy as usual I see.  
Nat: just enjoying the view.  
Eddy changes the subject: hey Kev, I’m surprised you behaved yourself today. You usually can’t go one minute without trying to molest Double D.  
Edd blushes: Eddy  
Kevin: that’s not true, I went 5 minutes yesterday without so much as touching the dork.  
Ed: that’s an academy record.  
Eddy: wrong fandom Ed.

A waitress arrived at their table and they placed their drink orders, as she left they noticed a guy get on the stage stationed just a few feet from them. He drunkenly grabbed the microphone and place his selection on the karaoke machine. He then belted out in a slurred way, “bad romance” by Lady Gaga. Kevin, Nat, and Eddy hooted and hollered in response, giving him encouragement, he was extremely bad at it, but they admired his courage. The waitress came back with their drinks and they indulged in further small talk. After their 4th round of drinks, they were loose enough to give singing a try. Eddy sang “Crawling” by Linkin Park along with Ed, Double D was coaxed into singing “Always” by panic at the disco and Ed rushed back on stage to sing, “Fireworks”, by Katie Perry. Nat and Kevin get on stage to sing a duet of, “Classic” by MKTO mostly to Edd who basically tried to hide under the table cloth from the embarrassment. All the guests in the now packed room were either laughing or applauding the two. Suddenly someone from the back of the room obnoxiously called out, “get off the stage, you fucking faggots”. The audience either went quiet or mumbled amongst one another in disapproval, this guy had been heckling almost every person on stage. Kevin squinted at the heckler in the back of the room along with Nat.

Kevin: did he say what I think he said.  
Nat: hold on let me check.

Nat takes the microphone and speaks into it pretending to be confused.

Nat: excuse me, sir? Did you say fuck a faggot?   
Kevin: Yeah, I think he said fuck a faggot.  
Heckler: no, I said fucking faggots.  
Kevin: oh, ok, yeah, he said fuck in faggots. He’s out for ass.  
Nat: Ladies and gentlemen, this very portly young man in the ugly ass brown shirt apparently wants to stuff our burritos. 

The crowd starts to chuckle as the heckler curses at them. Kevin speaks into the microphone and pretends to be concerned for the heckler.

Kevin: Sir, sir, hold on a minute, we’re going to help you out tonight. CALLING ALL FAGGOTS, CALLING ALL FAGGOTS, we have a Shrek looking mother fucker over there looking to bust a nut in some ass. HE’S DOWN FOR THE POUND, I REPEAT, HE’S DOWN FOR THE POUND.

The laughter in the room escalates and the heckler gets extremely aggravated. Nat takes back the mic.

Nat: sir, it’s going to be ok, we will find you a faggot to fuck. Hey, you, cute guy in the beanie, you look like a fine upstanding faggot.

Edd downed the rest of his drink before answering: why yes sir, USDA certified.

The alcohol was clearly getting the better of Edd, reducing his inhibitions enough to answer jovially. 

Nat: would you, for the good of our great nation and on the behalf of faggots everywhere, get down and dirty with this hairy man-child?  
Edd laughs and blurts out: GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE, I’D RATHER STICK MY DICK IN A BLENDER.

Edd’s eyes suddenly widened and he quickly covers his mouth with his hands as the crowd bursts in chaotic laughter. During this Nat, Kevin, and Ed all dawned shocked expressions at Edd’s outburst. Eddy, on the other hand, banged on the table with his fist, howling in laughter, of all the things to happen that night, a cursing Edward Vincent was by far its highlight. The heckler gave the men on stage a dirty look and left the room in an angry huff. Nat and Kevin got off the stage while the crowd was still laughing and chuckled a bit watching Edd’s whole face turn red. It was at this point that they unanimously agreed that they should end their night here before Edd decides to bust a cap in someone’s ass. The group head to their rooms conversing along the way.

Eddy keeps laughing: yo Double D, you alright? Wouldn’t want you getting all gangsta on us.

Edd pulls his hat in front of his face trying to hide his complete and utter embarrassment.

Edd: shut up Eddy.  
Eddy: whatever you say 50 cent.   
Nat laughs and starts to sing: hey shorty, it’s your birthday  
Eddy, Ed, Kevin and Nat sing: we gonna party like it’s your birthday, we gonna sip Bacardi like it’s your birthday, AND YOU KNOW WE DON’T GIVE A FUCK CUSS IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY.  
Edd: shut up EVERYONE.

His friends laugh in response as they continued to their rooms, their night of leisure had come to an end, but what a way to go out. As the group passed by his door Edd rummaged through his pockets for his card key. Kevin noticed and bid Nat and the others goodnight, he then went to join Edd. 

Kevin: Hey Double D, seriously though, you ok?  
Edd: that was mortifying, ugh... I am never drinking again.  
Kevin: aww what no more gangsta D? you’re sexy when you curse.  
Edd grins at him: I believe I could relieve myself in public and you’d still think I’m sexy.  
Kevin grins back: if it means getting to see your rod, then yes, yes, I would.

Edd gets into a small laughing fit and finds his card key. He then turns and wraps his arms around the other male, bringing him in for a soft kiss. He ignores Kevin’s shocked expression and opens the door to his room. When he enters the room, he turns and gives Kevin an innocent smile.

Edd: sweet dreams Kevin, I had a lot of fun tonight. I do hope we get to do it again sometime.  
Kevin was still in a daze: uh yeah……dreams and night…uh...definitely.

After the door was shut Kevin stood there for a few moments and touched his lips, “did he just kiss me?” he thought as he made his way to his room.   
Edd sighed in contentment and began to undress, he then took a shower, brushed his teeth and changed into a clean pair of pajamas. He retired to his bed and turned off the light on the nightstand, he then closed his eyes ready to drift off to dreamland. Or he would have had he not instantly sat up in his bed at the new thought that just pop into his head.

Edd: DEAR LORD, DID I JUST KISS HIM?


	10. chapter 10

Eddy: well that was uneventful.  
Edd: Eddy we’re almost done.  
Eddy: still though being a bodyguard is lame and boring. Next time how about we get something dangerous and death-defying as our next mission. Like sky diving out of an airplane, while defusing a bomb and being shot at by Nazi’s riding jet, ski’s filled with nitroglycerin.   
Edd looks at him worried: we should have a long discussion with Naz about the mental side effects of those simulations.

The Ed’s along with Kevin and the Ambassador walked quietly through the airport and approached the doorway leading to the runway where the private jet was waiting. The area of the airport they were using was restricted from the area used for commercial and international flights. This meant that if anything happened they won’t have to worry about anyone else getting hurt or injured from it. Still, the staff were ready to shut the place down to ensure the pedestrian's safety. They were with Rolf for about 48 hours at this point and Eddy was literally dying of boredom, Kevin moved on ahead and stood outside where the jet was, scanning the area. Edd fiddled with his wristwatch, checking the time, in about 1 more hour their mission will be over. Eddy might have been disappointed by it, but he was actually glad it would end the way it did. In fact, he hoped that there were more missions like this, he really didn’t know whether he would be ready for actual danger. As they approached the jet, Kevin’s eyes locked on with Edd’s, he smiled and winked at the other male from a distance, he was never going to let go of that kiss back at the hotel and Edd knew it. The smarter male merely smiled back but avoided eye contact, he’s working right now and it was imperative that he remained focused. Ed, who was still carrying the chicken headed up the stairs first leading into the jet, as Edd took the time to examine the area around them and Eddy stood at the base of the stairs with Rolf. Edd observed the area near the entrance of the airport where more agents were starting to empty out. He often did this for every area they had entered since the day they started this mission, looking out for any unknown or unfamiliar faces in the group of agents, any devices behind doors or next to trash cans, any of the three snipers on the roof…………………. Wait………

Ed: GUYS LOOK OUT.

Suddenly the entire back of the jet exploded, causing Kevin to be launched from the wreckage. His suit jacket caught on fire forcing him to take it off and run towards the others with his gun readied. Ed quickly moved to the front of Rolf as the small group head back towards the airport entrance. In the midst of the commotion a stray bullet flies towards Rolf's head, Ed presses a button on his watch and a holographic shield quickly flashes to the side of them deflecting the bullet. Double D activated his own moving to Rolf’s side switching places with Ed who moves to the front. The whole area is busy with chaotic activity, agents shooting at the snipers from the roof of the building surrounding the entrance of the airport. As the two Ed’s rush forward with Rolf in tow, two other agents were gunned down to the left of them by the snipers. There were about 4 additional agents firing rapidly at the snipers, resulting in an all-out shootout. Eddy activates his shield and catches another bullet as it made its way towards Kevin’s head.

Kevin: what the hell are those?  
Eddy: first of all, YOU’RE WELCOME, second of all, Edd made these, but their prototypes so they won’t last very long, we have to get out of here NOW.

Kevin looked ahead of him realizing that the other Ed’s and Rolf have safely made it inside the airport. Eddy moves forward shielding himself while Kevin fired a few rounds at the snipers. He manages to hit one of them in the arm and he follows Eddy. Eddy momentarily, removes the shield to fire on the other two snipers. At this moment another bullet comes their way and hits Eddy’s right leg above the knee. Eddy cries out in pain and falls to the ground putting his shield back up as quickly as he could. Kevin rushes to his side and puts his gun away.

Kevin: I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU, COME ON.

Kevin ducks behind the shield and wraps Eddy’s arm around his shoulders, supporting the other male and getting him to stand on his uninjured foot. The two make their way back to the airport and quickly enter while the other agents secure the perimeter outside. Kevin deposits eddy into a nearby chair who at this point was shouting out in pain and agony.

Eddy: HOLY SHIT, I take back everything I said.  
Kevin takes a handkerchief from his pants pocket: What?  
Eddy: I said this job was lame and boring, I wanted something dangerous to happen, I change my mind. This job is fucking insane.

Kevin chuckles lightly and presses the handkerchief to Eddy’s wound causing the other male to hiss and clenched his teeth. Eddy growls and glares at Kevin as he tries to nurse his injury. 

Kevin: careful what you wish for Eddy. On your feet lazy ass.  
Eddy: fuck off Kevin.

Nat enters the room with a couple of other agents who continue towards the doorway of the airport. The chaos outside dies down as it seems the assassins were retreating, being overpowered by the other agents. He then stops noticing Eddy and Kevin sitting there partially covered in Eddy’s blood.

Nat: what the fuck happened to my sweet little badger?  
Eddy: NOT NOW NAT.  
Kevin: a bullet to the leg.  
Nat: wait, is that his first?  
Kevin grins up at him: yep  
Nat: oh they grow up so fast.  
Kevin: I know our little Eddy’s becoming a man.  
Nat: you know my first was in the ass……. I was then shot for the first time weeks later.  
Eddy: fuck off Nat.  
Kevin gets up: shake it off short shit  
Eddy: again…FUCK OFF KEVIN.

Kevin retreated with a smirk before addressing Nat who followed him deeper into the building.

Nat: we couldn’t get into the building the assassins were on, I’m afraid they got away.  
Kevin’s mood darkens: shit  
Nat: it appears that they are severely injured. After all, there’s almost 10 of us now and only 3 of them that we know of. Edward and three others are scanning the lower levels where the baggage area is, he seems to have a good eye for this. We have another convoy of 6 other agents including Ed staying with Rolf.

Kevin sighed a little in relief, up till this point he was trying not to think about Edd, trusting that his love interest was smart and resourceful enough to handle things on his own and remain safe. With his feelings confirmed he could move forward.

Kevin: good, how fast can we get forensics here?  
Nat: they’re on their way, should be another 5 minutes or so.  
Kevin: so what do you think? are they connected to Jaguar?  
Nat: too soon to tell. I’ll send you the forensics report when it’s ready.  
Kevin: thanks Nat.

Nat gave him a nod and was about to leave but Kevin grabbed his wrist gently and gave him a soft appreciative smile.

Kevin: no really, thanks, man. You’re basically the only one taking us seriously enough to keep us in the loop.  
Nat: we’re besties dude, I’ve got your back.

The two men hug each other before Nat walked off toward the entrance, a medic runs up to him and Kevin leads him to assist Eddy’s injury. Meanwhile, on the floor below the hangar, Edd was the first down the stairs and moves toward the baggage claim area pointing his gun around. He scans the room and carefully searches it to make sure no one was hiding behind any hidden corners. He then hears his fellow agents call out.

“FOUND ANOTHER ONE”  
Edd turned pale: o…oh dear  
Agent 1: we have 10 minutes, not enough time for the bomb squad. EVERYONE EVACUATE THE AREA.

Agent 2 gets on his walkie talkie: calling all units, WE HAVE 10 MINUTES TO EVACUATE THE AREA. There is another IED near the baggage claim area. I repeat IED in the baggage claim. We have 10 minutes till detonation. 

The agents rush back upstairs and join the other agents who have managed to get the word out to the airport staff on the other side of the building. Since the baggage claim was directly below the area of where Eddy and Kevin were, they knew they had to haul ass.

Eddy: give me a fucking break.  
Kevin supports Eddy on his shoulders again: yep, here we go again.

The two are about to leave when Ed is heard barreling towards them. Kevin moved to the side so that he could pass. Ed was carrying Rolf and his chicken bridal style while rushing past the both of them like a freight train about to run them over. Kevin blinked at them momentarily before snapping out of it and moving quickly toward the entrance. At the 3 minute mark all the agents in the building were evacuated and the airport completely shutdown after performing their own evacuation of the pedestrians and staff. The fire department was called as everyone made sure the building was completely empty and as far away from the bomb site as possible. While Nat called it in, Kevin took a moment to scan the crowd, Eddy was the first to ask what he was thinking.

Eddy: um….where the hell is double D?

The smarter male was still where the bomb was and the timer was at 2 minutes and counting. He had sensed something was amiss when one of the agents shouted that they found another bomb. When he was about to evacuate with the others, he noticed something odd. First off the bomb was sitting on the conveyer belt. If the assassins were going to take them by surprise again then why put it out there in the open. Second, as he closed in on the device he noticed the sticker on the bomb, it was dark pink, it had the picture of a jaguar on it. The third was the……….

Agent1: Vincent, we have to go NOW.  
Edd: it’s fake.  
Agent1: what?  
Edd: the bomb is fake  
Agent1: we don’t know that for sure……..  
Edd: Rob please, just take a second to look at this very carefully, the sticker is dark pink with a jaguar on it and don’t you find it odd that it is just sitting out in the open like this.  
Rob: I……

The other agent walked up to him and examined the bomb ignoring the fact that it was now going on to 1 minute and 45 seconds. He frowned as he also noticed the dynamite as well as the detonator.

Rob: there are no electrical cables, no fuse.   
Edd: exactly, however, it’s still connected to this timer.  
Rob tensed: whatever the hell it’s going to do, we’ll find out in the next 30 seconds. If we get blown up and you survive, tell my wife that....... I know she slept with my brother and I’m leaving everything I own to the housekeeper.  
Edd: WHAT?

The timer reaches its end and the device goes off, as Edd’s life flashes before his eyes he realizes that he was on the floor. They had apparently dove for the floor instinctively but all that happened was that the timer popped opened. The two men slowly look up from the floor and rose to their feet cautiously. Inside the now opened device was hollow except for the small folded greeting card. Rob reached for the card and opened it looking at the words written inside. 

Edd: what does it say?  
Rob: a little parting gift from me to all of you, till next time, Jaguar.

Rob rubs his fingers together feeling a powdery substance coming off of it. He sniffed it and realized instantly that it was a mistake.

Rob: I…I’m going to need a medic.  
Edd: what? Why?

Rob dropped the card onto the floor and leans against Edd causing the other male to panic. He lowers Rob to the ground and reaches for his walkie talkie, he then speaks into it trying his best not to freak out completely.

Edd: MADDAY, MADDAY MAN DOWN, WE ARE LOCATED IN THE BAGGAGE AREA, WE NEED A MEDIC, MAN DOWN. Hold on Rob. 

An hour later

It took 10 minutes for the paramedics to get there from the local hospital. By this point, Rob had passed out and was breathing in a shallow manner. After a quick explanation of what happened, he was rushed to poison control. The powder that infected him was fentanyl, a powerful pain killer 100 times more potent than morphine. He accidentally inhaled some when he was sniffing it and it was absorbed into the skin of his fingers. Luckily it wasn’t enough to kill him, so once he gets the antidote he should recover. The area was quarantined and no one was allowed to touch the card or anything around that area until the floor was deemed safe. Another jet arrived to pick up Rolf and his animal friends. Rolf was incredibly impressed by Ed’s fortitude during the entire situation. So much so that he gave the taller male a large bag of solid gold coins and an egg the chicken had laid during their stay at the hotel so Ed could hatch it and raise his own. The group were now on a first class flight back home, relaxing for the first time that day, except for Eddy who seemed to have a very nice high going from the morphine he was shot with for the pain in his leg.

Eddy: dude I am going to break into that hospital and steal a case of this stuff. I am sooooo, damn mellow right now.  
Kevin peaks at him from behind his seat: cool, hey remember that place back home, you know where the buffalo roam and the deer and the antelope play?  
Eddy looks up at him dazed: oh yeah, what about it?  
Kevin: they said you owed them $500 for staying at their place.  
Eddy: oh shit………..really? h..hold on.  
Edd: Eddy don’t listen to Kevin, why don’t you take a nap……Eddy?

The shorter male was snoozing soundly in his chair with his hand still in his pocket. Edd smiled at him a bit before glaring at Kevin. 

Kevin: what? You honestly expect me to pass up a chance like that?  
Edd: next time please try not to take advantage of my friends when they’re high.  
Kevin: sorry it’s just that I have so much energy, probably a result of the intense adrenaline rush from what happened earlier. If only there was a way to spend all of this energy in a recreational, fun and….. dare I say it, sexy way.  
Edd gives him a knowing grin: may I suggest knitting?  
Kevin: hey why not, I could make a nice wool cozy for the pair of handcuffs I’m going to put you in tonight.  
Edd chuckles: I beg your pardon. You know there is such a thing as office sexual harassment, I could report you to HR.  
Kevin: oh uh, we don’t have one, we were attacked by terrorists a few years back. We totally lost our entire HR department.  
Edd: so the terrorists attacked an entire CIA facility in order to blow up one department.  
Kevin: I know right, what are the odds?  
Edd: highly unlikely.  
Kevin grins: ok, what are the odds of you going out with me this Saturday.  
Edd blushed and smiled at him: I believe they just might be in your favor. Exclude the handcuffs and you have yourself a date.  
Kevin smiles contently and speaks to himself: Kevin Barr scores once again.

This earns another chuckle from Edd, he then relaxed against Kevin’s shoulder looking forward and the other male wraps his arm around him. After what occurred today and what was to come, they both looked forward to their date night.

Elsewhere

“Well that was a hot fucking mess”.  
“Seriously where the hell was our back up, WHO THE HELL ONLY SENDS THREE ASSASSINS?”  
“WE’RE A DISTRACTION YOU STUPID BITCH, the weapon is ready, awaiting our next instructions”.

The man listening to them over the intercom smiled, “Excellent, we’ll be taking it for a test run tomorrow. For now, you’re all on stand by until further notice and for god, sake get some medical attention. You’re bleeding all over my nice and shiny floor”.

“Copy that”.

Their illustrious leader leans back in his swivel chair and takes a good look at the hundreds of pictures posted all over the walls of his office. They were of different places, taken at very different times spanning the past 10 years. In each picture, from all angles, performing various tasks, dawning different hairstyles throughout the years as well as clothing was Kevin Barr completely oblivious to the leader's watchful eye. His eyes then cast downward at the latest picture on his desk, it was of a certain raven-haired male sitting at a table with two other males, a short muscular male and a taller one. He looked embarrassed amongst other bar patrons while Kevin and Nat perform their karaoke routine on stage. The leader frowned a bit, he did not expect them to have shields projecting out of their damn watches. He decided he will need to find some other way to take them out, then and only then will he finally have Kevin Barr all to himself. But first…………

“Let’s see what this weapon can really do”.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I had to look at the last time I updated and realized that has been well over a month. My apologies, I started school again and my work schedule is bonkers right now. I have no idea when the next update will be but I will try to make the next chapter just as long as this one. Until then, LEMONS FOR EVERYONE, WHO LOVES A GOOD KEVEDD LOVE SCENE, THIS GAL. If you don’t then don’t read. So yeah……THERE’S SEX IN THIS ONE, ENJOY.

3 days later

In a dark room, surrounded by T.V screens Jaguar calmly sits back in his black recliner and sips on his green tea latte. He checked the screens earlier trying to narrow down just a few locations, after much deliberation he finally selected 3 for “testing”, Buckingham palace, the white house and the Taj Mahal. He sighed to himself, the last test they did was a complete failure, the survival rate was around 90%. He had no idea how this one was going to go. In the lower left screen, he noticed something that made his blood boil. Kevin and that insolent nerd were sitting inside of a restaurant talking and laughing with one another. They appear to be on some sort of date, the mere thought of that almost made him consider conducting the test in their area. He took a deep breath and leaned over to his console, he then turned off their feed. As the screen went black he sighed once again and took another sip of his latte to calm himself down.

“All in due time my pet, all in due time”.

He grinned at the thought of finally having the redhead at his side as they both welcome the birth of their new world. He then had a marvelously malicious idea, one that would not only successfully run his test and obtain the data needed to move forward but would also help him relieve some of the excess stress that tended to build up each and every time he saw Double D and his annoying friends. He moved towards his computer sitting on the right side of his desk and proceeded to drum up Edward Vincent's files. He then smiled wickedly while pressing a few more keys on his keyboard, “test number 2 commence”.

Meanwhile

Kevin: so from that moment on we called him sticky, he attracted flies wherever he went, it was hilarious.  
Double D chuckled: it’s all fun and games until someone gets stung by bees.

The two were sitting in a fancy restaurant, normally Kevin would take his date to Mcdonald’s or Five Guys but he wanted to surprise the other male by treating him to something extravagant. The timid male was shocked and nervously suggested that they go to the Five Guys a block away from them. Kevin deflected his objections immediately and all but pushed him through the doors. In the beginning, the opulent setting made Double D increasingly uncomfortable as well as underdressed. He wore black dress pants and a white top with a black vest over it. Kevin wore a simple red buttoned-down shirt with a white sleeveless shirt underneath and blue jeans. After a few well-placed jokes, a delicious appetizer and a glass of wine or two, Edd was relaxed and engaged in the stirring conversation about Kevin’s youth. Turns out he was a bit of a prankster in his teenage years. A lot of his antics reminded him of Eddy’s behavior back in the day. Edd smiled wondering how Kevin would react to being told that he and Eddy were so much alike. Everything was going smoothly until it was Edd’s turn to share, he tried to deflect it by talking about the entrée he had ordered, admiring how beautifully arranged the baby carrots were in contrast to the steak and seasoned potatoes but it didn’t work.

Kevin: I showed you mine, dork, now how about you show me yours  
Edd blushed: does everything that comes out of your mouth have to be suggestive.  
Kevin: When it comes to you, absolutely.

Edd smiled a bit, Kevin’s flirty demeanor had grown on him, instead of feeling worried, anxious and praying he didn’t get raped, he was actually flattered and intrigued. He downed the rest of his wine but Kevin immediately refills his glass. Edd grinned at him, it felt like tonight was going to be an interesting one, he took another drink from his glass and stared at the liquor for a bit before speaking.

Edd: I hate my parents.  
Kevin: oh…….uh, ok, that’s a weird way to start a conversation.  
Edd: my father cheated on my mother and I think he used me as a distraction to cover his own illicit actions. He was always quiet and distant, neither of my parents had ever really talked much especially to each other. They even slept in separate rooms, I never saw them kiss or hug or even look in each other's general direction. In fact, the only times I have ever seen the two of them work together was when they were at work at the local hospital or to tell me how inadequate I am.  
Kevin: damn, well if it makes you feel better my parents were always loud, obnoxious and extremely homophobic, but it was the 1980’s so everyone was kind of like that I guess.  
Edd: I suppose…..my father would always come home late from work, or have some kind of big-time experiment to work on that meant he would have to sleep over in his office and my mother would come home from work, microwave a frozen dinner for herself and retreat to the basement. Looking back at it now my days were pretty routine, all I really did was play with my friends and work on the latest scam they concocted. I rather enjoyed myself, It meant I wouldn’t have to stay at home and deal with the constant state of loneliness I felt.   
Kevin: Jeez man, didn’t know it was like that for you.  
Edd: I don’t think even Eddy knew, I wasn’t very good at making my true feelings known. I grew to hate my parents as I grew older because at that point I understood what was really going on between them. My father was sleeping with someone from work and my mother was so desperate to hold onto to him that she was willing to ignore all of the glaring warning signs. So when I came out to them and tried to introduce my then fiancé, that was the perfect opportunity for them to ignore the giant elephant in the room and band together against the real issue plaguing their lives, their gay son. They disowned me and threw me out but only because it was an expected reaction. They don’t really care about who I was with or even if I was gay, that whole dramatic ordeal they put me through was a way for them to not have to deal with what their own sad, pathetic lives.  
Edd pours himself another glass of wine and downs it: they can burn in hell for all I care.  
Kevin looks at him concerned: I think you’ve had enough wine.  
Edd: aww, have things gotten too real for you Mr. Barr?  
Kevin: on the contrary, the nights still young so we’ll see just how real it gets.  
Edd grins slyly: I bet we will  
Kevin grins back: as much as I enjoy seeing this more lucid side of you, I don’t want you getting upset over the memory of your parents. Alcohol has a way of amplifying a person's emotions.  
Edd takes a few bites of his dinner: you’re right, perhaps something a bit lighter……this steak is lovely  
Kevin rolled his eyes: really dude?  
Edd chuckles: um yes….it’s very tender.  
Kevin: Yeah, let's talk about the flavor and tenderness of the steak you’ve barely touched.  
Edd: My apologies, I’m a bit tipsy at the moment. However, there is something I have always wanted to talk about.  
Kevin: ok shoot.  
Edd: how about you tell me about how you found out about me and my friends. What made you decide to come after us? How long were you tracking us before you finally caught up with us?  
Kevin digs into his own food: this shrimp is delicious, wanna try some?  
Edd: oh no you don’t Kevin Barr.  
Kevin: there’s a local reef not too far from here where they get all their seafood.  
Edd gets annoyed: Kevin.  
Kevin blushed and turned away slightly: ok, ok, but it’s a little embarrassing.  
Edd: It doesn’t matter, please share.  
Kevin: well……the truth is, I knew of you when you were in college.  
Edd’s eyes widened: oh, did we meet?  
Kevin: nope, I knew your ex-hubby back in high school and through the beginning of his time in college.   
Edd’s eyes widened: you knew him?  
Kevin: Yeah, he was one of those jerks who thought that because he was a guitarist of a garage band that he was better than everyone. However I never knew him to be abusive, it didn’t even occur to me who he was until recently.  
Edd: How did you end up going to our college?  
Kevin blushes again: I wasn’t, my academy was a few miles away from yours, I and Nat would visit the campus to see this guy he was screwing around with at the time, Rave. I spotted you with your boyfriend and well I basically watched you from afar, and from behind the tree by your dorm window and a few times across the yard…..and while you worked as a TA briefly when I decided to do some research on you. It was basically loved at first sight and…….  
Edd blinks at him a bit: we….were you stalking me?  
Kevin: aww man this is why I didn’t want to say anything, it sounds like stalking but it wasn’t.  
Edd chuckles: it’s stalking  
Kevin: uh..no, it’s called admiring from afar.   
Edd: which is what one does when they are clearly stalking someone.  
Kevin: ANYWAY, I was admiring you from afar but then you and nick stopped coming to school. I tried to track you down at your family home but you weren’t there. I mean I wasn’t obsessed because I was still sleeping around with other guys, it’s just I grew kind of concerned.  
Edd frowned and took a few bites of his steak: I ran away with Nick to get married. He basically swept me away to what I thought would be the perfect married life.  
Kevin: I gave up after a while and started dating officially while I was training for the FBI. When I finally became an agent I decided to start the program. I had a few friends in prison who were dying for a second chance at a new life. They were the main reason why I decided to turn criminals into agents. I ran into your files when I was looking for more recruits, from that moment it was game on.  
Edd: so you chose us because of me?  
Kevin blushed and rubbed the back of his head: well when you say it that way it sounds insane, but I promise it wasn’t just you. You guys just happened to fit the requirements of the program, the FBI also took an interest in you guys. You were just the easiest choices considering the program was still in its infancy and you were just thieves. Now that it is proving to be a success, I can finally get my friends out of jail and invite them to join.  
Edd smiles and scoots over to where Kevin was sitting: well even though I’m glad to be the guinea pig of any venture that involves helping those in need, I still wish you had approached me sooner. Then maybe I never would have married Nick or ended up in jail.  
Kevin put a hand under his chin: you deserved better than that guy, he’s always been a loser, it drove me crazy seeing you with him …..I’d rather die than ever lay a hand on you.

Kevin leans forward placing his lips softly against Edd’s in a gentle kiss. Edd leaned into the kiss pressing their bodies together as it became more urgent. As Edd moaned, his lips parted allowing Kevin’s tongue to explore the caverns of his mouth. They French kissed for what seemed like forever before Kevin broke the kiss. They gently pressed their forehead against each other breathing heavily and gazing into each other's eyes. 

Edd: w…well, that’s never happened before.  
Kevin caresses his chin: I’ve been waiting for that to happen since the day I first saw you.  
Edd chuckles: really?  
Kevin blushed a little: well…..actually the first time I saw you I wanted to do way more than just kissing.  
Edd pushes him away while laughing: you instantly wanted to have sex with the guy you were stalking.  
Kevin: admiring from afar, and yes I totally wanted to bang your brains out.  
Edd laughs: you’re a bit of a perverted weirdo, aren’t you?  
Kevin grins: you know you love it, baby.

The two share a laugh, this was fun, it had been a while since Edd had this much fun on a date. It was weird learning that Kevin was his stalker…oh excuse me….” admirer”, but it did explain why he latched on to him so quickly when they first met. The two finished their dinner and were deciding on whether to have dessert or not, but Kevin opted to take them back to his apartment for, “coffee” because of course, he would. This was a bit surprising seeing as how Double D didn’t even know he had an apartment, he thought the other male was staying at a room at HQ like he and his friends. After paying their bill they stepped out and to Kevin’s car. The ride to Kevin’s place was quiet but comfortable, but Edd started to have his doubts. He was perfectly willing to go to Kevin’s place but as they drew near he found himself growing a bit nervous. He wasn’t naïve in the slightest, he knew very well what they were going to do. No one had seen him naked but his ex-husband. What if Kevin changes his mind? What if he became too eager or antsy and spoiled the vibe? Perhaps he should ask to use Kevin’s shower before they get into anything or……” OH MY GOD, am I actually thinking about prepping myself for sex? What if he really did just want to take me upstairs for coffee? Just don’t initiate or assume anything, that way if nothing happens I won’t be disappointed or completely embarrass myself in front of him”. He was suddenly jolted out of his thoughts when the car stopped and parked in front of a cozy looking brownstone building. When they arrive at his flat, Edd was a bit impressed by how clean the place was, it was immaculate and somewhat modern. The kitchen was small but clean, it was to the right of the front door. It was separated from the living room by an island countertop and the bedroom was down the hall.

Kevin heads for the kitchen: make yourself at home, I’ll get the pot started.  
Edd: sure.

The smarter male smiled and made his way to the living room while Kevin entered the kitchen and turned on the coffee pot. Edd watched him work behind the island and took his shoes off. He was still unsure of what would come from this visit, he kind of expected the redhead to ambush him the minute they enter through the front door. After the coffee was made the two men sat casually on Kevin’s couch and talked. He found out a few more things about the redhead. In elementary school, he was an overweight child but he quickly grew out of it due to his love of sports in middle school and high school where he met and dated Nat. He was surprisingly a wonderful cook but mostly preferred to eat outside or order something due to how lazy he was whenever he was home. He enjoyed knitting and building ships in a bottle, these were quiet activities that got his mind off the harsh environments that came with his profession. He loved children for their bravery and ability to tell it like it is but strangely enough, was not a dog person. 

Kevin: they’re kind of needy, hyper, and messy. I like cats, I find them a bit more independent. You have to earn their love and devotion…..kind of like you.  
Edd blushed: so I’m your cat.  
Kevin leaned over grinning: my adorable little kitten.

Kevin plants a kiss on to Edd’s lips, it was soft and sweet, almost innocent in away. When they separated they smiled at one another before Kevin broke the silence.

Kevin: want another coffee or anything  
Edd: no I’m fine, but please allow me to take care of the mugs.

Edd grabbed the two mugs and moved past Kevin to make his way to the kitchen. He then went to the sink and started washing the mugs. This was nice, just sitting around on the couch talking about their likes and dislikes and wants. The night didn’t have to end with sex……although there was a small twinge of disappointment in the back of his mind, “how long has it really been since I have had sex”, he thought to himself. It wasn’t the first time he asked himself that question but he wasn’t able to answer it the last time. He decided it no longer mattered, they were having a good time and far be it from him to ruin it by……

Kevin: oops, aww look at that.

Edd turned to see what was going on and almost dropped the mug he was holding. Kevin stood a mere few feet from him with his shirt off. He grinned as Edd’s eyes roamed his chiseled body. The taller male inched closer to him and placed a hand on either side of Double D, cornering him and pressing him against the sink.

Kevin: I seemed to have spilled some on my shirt. I had to take it off, I hope I don’t smell like coffee.  
Edd: y….you didn’t really spill coffee on yourself, did…..did you?  
Kevin leans down and kisses Edd’s neck: nope

He began to plant soft kisses on the side of Edd’s neck and shoulder and pressed his manhood against the smaller males. Edd sighed and gasped a bit feeling his legs turn to jello, he then reached behind him and placed the mug into the sink. He locks lips with Kevin and the two have yet another make-out session. While their lips and tongues wrestled with one another, Kevin puts both of his hands down Edd’s back and grabs his bottom, caressing and gently squeezing it. This elicits a moan from the smarter man and he presses himself further against Kevin’s body. When they separated, Edd finally had an answer to his previous question.

Edd: 1 year, 6 months, 23 days, 8 hours  
Kevin: um….what?  
Edd suddenly pushes Kevin against the island and begins to unbuckle his pants: 1 year, 6 months, 23 days, 8 hours.

Without warning, Edd dips down and pulls Kevin’s pants down to his ankles and immediately gets to work on his hardened cock. Kevin gasped in shock, which soon turned to a moan as pleasure shot up his body. Edd slid Kevin’s cock in and out of his open mouth, his lips tightening on the member and allowing the tip to hit the back of his throat. He moaned around it and slid it out of his mouth completely to fondle, lick and kiss Kevin’s balls.

Kevin tossed his head back moaning: ngh… f.f.fuck, ah e….edd….ahh

Kevin’s hand resting on the back of Edd’s head while his moans grew louder. Edd took this as encouragement and engulfed Kevin’s cock completely while lifting one of his legs to put it on his left shoulder. He then placed a hand on Kevin's lower back and increased his pace. This was enough to send the redhead over the edge, he clawed at the counter he was leaning against and cried out as he orgasmed into his lover’s mouth.

Kevin’s head tossed back and he breathes heavily: HOLY SHIT, ahh, god Edd. What the hell has gotten into…..

He was interrupted when Edd suddenly lifted him to sit on top of the counter. He removed Kevin’s pants and underwear completely before getting his own pants off in an instant. He climbed on top of the redhead, straddling his hips. He took off his shirt and started kissing the redhead passionately. As unbelievably amazing as this was, Kevin knew he had to regain control of this situation. He quickly slid off the counter while holding his over-eager boyfriend. Edd broke the kiss from the sudden movement and clung to the other male fearing he was going to get dropped.

Edd: K…kevin  
Kevin: sorry babe, but if we’re doing this, we’re gonna do it right.

He gave Edd’s ass a playful slap, which caused the other male to shout out in shock from the sudden movement but giggled afterward as Kevin nibbled on his neck while carrying him to the bedroom. He then deposited Edd onto the bed and continued to make out with him. He noticed Edd’s underwear was still on, so he removed them and kissed Edd’s inner thigh. After getting Edd’s underwear off, Kevin practically dives between the other male's thighs and grinds against his member while kissing and nipping at his neck. 

Edd pants and arches his back: K….kevin….please.

Kevin smiled a little, he had waited a long time for this, and he was determined to enjoy it. He kissed his way down his lover’s chest while his hands caressed his back and buttocks. He then licked and kissed his stomach while reaching up and coaxed his fingers into Double D’s mouth. The other male didn’t seem to care, everything Kevin did, even breathing on him, was turning him on. He sucked on Kevin’s forefinger and index finger, coating it with his saliva. With his finger properly coated he inserted the digits into Edd’s waiting hole eliciting a shudder from him. He licked his lover’s balls and member gently as his fingers roamed inside of him, probing his quivering entrance. Then it happened, he hit the spot that sent Edd’s body into orbit, Double D grips the sheets and cries out as his legs clamped around Kevin’s head. Kevin chuckled, prying his head from between his lover’s legs.

Edd: Ah, ahh, for goodness sakes….mhhmm…n….need you.  
Kevin sits up a little pumping Edd with his fingers repeatedly hitting his prostate. Edd’s toes curled and he gripped the bedpost behind his head with both hands. Kevin couldn’t hold back anymore, seeing Edd like this was driving him crazy. He moved up his body to get to the lube in the drawer next to Edd’s head. Suddenly Edd stops him by reaching up to grip his shoulder.

Edd: Kevin wait.  
Kevin paused: what is it?  
Edd: could…..could you take off your contact lens?  
Kevin looked over at the drawer next to them: well yeah, my case is right there, but why?  
Edd blushed and gazed at him lovingly: Your eyes are stunning, I want to get lost in them.  
Kevin blushed but complied: your wish is my command.

Kevin gently removed his contacts being careful not to use the fingers he had inside of his lover. After placing the contacts in the solution filled case, he gazed at Edd with his vibrant green eyes. He was close enough to the other male to see Edd’s face in the well-lit room. A pair of beautiful blue eyes stared back at him, Edd’s face was flushed and his hair was disheveled, it cascaded all over the pillow behind his head. He was sweating and looked longingly at his new lover, this amazing, strong, perverted weirdo who, “admired him from afar”. Edd lifted himself into a sitting position and placed another kiss on his lips. He then wrapped his arms around Kevin’s shoulders and whispered into his ear.

Edd: take me…….my beautiful stalker.

In an instantly Edd’s back was rammed against the headboard and Kevin locked lips with him. He squirts a generous amount of the lubricant onto his hand while Double D wrapped his legs around his waist. He wasted no time, coating his member with the lube before slamming into his lover’s willing body. Edd cried out with a mixture of joy and shock. Kevin waited for him to adjust for a few moments before pumping into him with rhythmic speed. He slammed into him hard and fast causing Edd to scream out each and every time. Kevin then took him off the headboard and laid him on the bed, with his head on the foot side of it. He continued to fuck him into the mattress, delivering one pleasure fill shockwave after another. Edd had completely lost his ability to speak, choosing instead to dig his nails into his lovers back. Electricity shot through Edd’s body with each pump, his screams mingling with Kevin’s loud moans. Kevin then leans over and slides his arms under his lover. He grips Double D’s shoulders and continues to pound into his waiting body while biting on his shoulder. The two continue to ride the pleasure-filled waves together into the oncoming inevitable tsunami.

Kevin: D…double D, I….AHHHHHHHH  
Edd: YES, YES, YEEEEEEEEES, AHHHHHHHHHH

The two simultaneously climax into each other's arms, they ride the waves of their personal tsunami before gently spiraling down, Kevin rested against Edd’s sweaty body. The two rested that way panting and spent. After a while, Kevin pulled out but stayed on top of his lover planting gentle kisses on Edd’s neck and shoulder. 

Kevin: god babe, you were amazing.  
Edd is still panting: m….me? Really?   
Kevin: hmmm, I don’t know what the hell happened to you tonight, but I want more of it.  
Edd chuckles: honey, I love how this feels but you’re getting a little heavy.

Kevin slid off him and rested next to him pulling him in to cuddle, even though they had just made love, he still in a way craved his body. They hold one another in peace and contentment…..well at least until round 2.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Edd laid in Kevin’s bed in utter contentment, he had never experienced this level of calm in a long time. Not even when he was with his ex-husband, instead of waking up to a snoring man being completely ignored he was waking up to….

Kevin: OW, fuck

The noise slowly roused Edd from his heavenly slumber, he opened his eyes and moved slowly to the edge of the bed. He then noticed his lover on all fours, looking for the case where his contacts were located. Apparently, he got out of bed and accidentally knocked them over the side of the bedside cabinet, Edd quirks an eyebrow at him a bit concerned.

Edd: everything ok?  
Kevin: Yeah, I think I lost my contact lens. Do me a favor, my glasses are in the top shelf of my dresser over there. Could you grab them for me?  
Edd: of course.

Edd sits up and immediately regrets it, Kevin really did a number on his ass, he ignored the dulled aching and slowly got out of bed. He stretched a little bit before heading for the dresser next to the door. After retrieving the glass case, he turned to where Kevin was waiting. He could tell that the other male couldn’t see where he went. So, he knelt to Kevin’s eye level and smiled.

Kevin: good, you found it.   
Edd: hold still.

Kevin looks over at him a bit puzzled but complied. Edd took the glasses out of its case and opened it up, he then gently and slowly slid the specs onto his lover’s face.

Edd: there, pretty as a picture.

He then spotted something sticking out from under the cabinet where Kevin was sitting. He smiled and leaned over to pick it up, he then handed it to Kevin.

Edd: here you go Barr.  
Kevin stares at him for a while: thanks………  
Edd quirks an eyebrow at him: what is it? Something on my face.

Normally the redhead would say, “yeah, me”, but that would have cheapened this moment. Instead, he continued to stare at this strong, smart, kind, adorable angel. He couldn’t help what came out of his mouth next.

Kevin: I love you.  
Edd blushes and looks at him shocked: uh…….  
Kevin gets nervous suddenly: OH SHIT, DID I SAY THAT TOO SOON?!!!  
Edd: um…. I  
Kevin panics: I take it back  
Edd: you can’t take it back.  
Kevin: then pretend you didn’t hear it.  
Edd rolls his eyes: Kevin, don’t be ridiculous.  
Kevin becomes agitated: but the moments all wrong, I was going to hire a bird trainer and some white doves to fly out from behind me as I make my entrance.  
Edd sighs: Kevin I….  
Kevin rambles on: maybe get a couple of large rockets and tie some fireworks to them so they’d explode above us.  
Edd blushes and chuckles: Kevin, you don’t have…….  
Kevin goes off into his own fantasy: oh, and some skywriters to write a message in the sky stating, “I love you double D.   
Edd laughs: that’s absurd, just telling me is en……  
Kevin: OH WAIT, I forgot to mention the mariachi band playing in the background.  
Edd covers his lover’s mouth with his hand: Please Kevin, enough already. How can you possibly expect me to get my own confession out when I must compete with such an extravagant spectacle?   
Kevin smiled and kissed Edd’s fingers: in case you didn’t catch it the first time, I love you.  
Edd smiled back and planted a soft kiss on his lips: I love you too.  
Kevin smiled and kissed him again, Edd leaned into the kiss and moaned in contentment before separating from him and standing up.

Edd: let’s go take a shower.

He heads over to where the bathroom is and starts the shower faucet. Kevin blushed and just sat there looking at Edd in amazement. The quivering little rabbit he had met over a year ago was now his confident, sexy lover. It was like a dream come true.

Edd: THAT’S AN ORDER SOLDIER  
Kevin: YES SIR

He got up quickly and rushed to the bathroom to join his lover.

A few hours later

A very spritely Double D made his way through HQ and towards the break room, he strolled past his two best friends and headed for the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup. Said friends didn’t really notice anything out of the ordinary at first, that was until their brainy friend started humming. Ed stopped eating his extra-large bowl of chunky puffs cereal, putting his equally large spoon back into the bowl. He then nudged Eddy who was playing a game on his phone and drinking his own cup of coffee. The shorter male looked over at Double D and quirked an eyebrow watching his friend dance a bit wistfully from the coffee pot to the cream and sugar. Eddy grins and looks over at Ed who also grins knowingly, it was clear that someone just got laid. Eddy is about to put his friend on the spot when Ed speaks up.

Ed: hey Eddy, why were you coming out of Naz’s room this morning?  
Eddy blushed: what the hell? I thought we were going to fuck with sock head.  
Ed: ooooh, so that’s why you were looking at me? My bad.  
Edd chuckles as he sits next to them: so, you and Naz.  
Eddy: uh…well, yeah me and Naz, you and Kevin?  
Edd blushed and smiled: yep, me and Kevin.  
Eddy makes a face: eww, gross

Kevin enters the room for his morning coffee: morning guys  
Ed: morning Casanova  
Kevin blushed: I see news gets around.  
Edd grins into his coffee cup: not from me, I swear  
Eddy flashes him a mischievous grin: nice going shovel chin, you got your germs all over my best friend.  
Kevin: shouldn’t I say the same about you?  
Eddy: sorry I have no idea what you’re talking about.  
Naz suddenly walks in wearing Eddy’s low hanging pajama top, she yawned and made her way to the coffee pot. She quietly poured herself a cup as the boys in the room watched her, they were kind of wondering why she was so comfortable being half-naked around them. Sure, her top was long enough to reach her knees but still, she had nothing on underneath. She poured some cream into the black liquid and some sugar. She took a sip from the steaming substance before slowly walking back towards the door but not before planting a kiss on Eddy’s forehead. She continues toward the door until she leaves, probably to head back to her room. All three men look over at Eddy whose face seemed to have taken on several shades of red.

Eddy sighs: fine, we banged, happy?  
Kevin: in addition to being incredibly disturbed? Yes.  
Edd: you know true gentlemen never kiss and tell.  
Kevin sits across from the other males: never said I was.  
Eddy chuckles into his mug: true that, I wish I could post mine on a fucking billboard, throw it right back in the faces of those dicks who made fun of me when I was a kid.  
Kevin raises his mug slightly in salute: I hear that.  
Ed: ditto, I could show my family I have a good job.

Kevin and Eddy nodded in agreement and the three engaged in a conversation while Edd quietly watched. He was glad that his friends were getting along so well with Kevin, it took a while for even him to warm up to the redhead. So it was amazing how well they………… His smartphone starts ringing, interrupting his thoughts. He reaches into his pocket while Kevin and Eddy start laughing. Double D looks at his smartphone for a moment and notices he got a voicemail message. He looked over at Eddy who was now chatting it up with Kevin and Ed. The smarter male grinned at the scene, he was glad that Eddy and Kevin were getting along even though it was mostly due to their immature antics. Edd listened to the message on the phone, the voice of an older male invaded his ear.

“Edward? Edward…. for goodness sakes man answer your phone. (cough) (cough), excuse me. It is imperative that you come home this instant. Somethings happened, the cul de sac has been infected…(cough) (cough) (arrrgh, cough). Your mother has lapsed into a coma, we are currently residing at the peach creek medical center, c…come q…. (cough) (cough)….”

The call ended abruptly causing Edd to stare down at his phone in absolute fear. He quickly got up alerting the other males in the room and moved over to the sink throwing his drink away. He then turns to Eddy and Ed.

Edd: Eddy….  
Eddy’s expression turns serious: what is it Double D?  
Edd: we have to go back home.  
Eddy: why?  
Edd: it’s my parents, they’re in the hospital, mother’s in a coma. Apparently, the entire Cul de sac is infected with some kind of illness  
Kevin immediately gets up from his seat: where are they? I could drive you if you want.  
Edd: thank you Kevin.  
Eddy: Ed, you are riding with me.  
Ed looks at them worried: I hope they're ok

The men head out of the breakroom and out into the garage, within just a few minutes they were already on the road. Peach Creek was about a few hours away from their location, it would have been easier had they taken the private jet but where would they land it. The trip took them a while, but they eventually arrived at the hospital. Gaining instant entry by flashing their badges the three made their way to Vincent’s room. They were met with some recognizable people, people that neither Ed nor Eddy planned on seeing for a very long time. First, there was a couple sitting on some chairs outside of the room opposite the Vincent’s. The long hair redhead dressed in a black business suit and her husband a taller man also dressed in a white frilly shirt and black dress pants. Standing a few feet away was a tall bulky man who for some odd reason was wearing black shades indoors. He had an annoyed look on his face and was speaking with another man in a black suit. The redhead turns to grab something from her purse but notices the Ed’s approaching her.

Sarah: Ed?  
Ed: uh…um  
Sarah: ED

The taller male froze as his baby sister approached him angrily, the other two Ed’s basically braced themselves for the incoming storm while Kevin looks over at them confused. He wondered why three grown men were suddenly frozen on the spot due to this woman who seemed to be no taller than Naz.

Jimmy: Sarah, remember your blood pressure.  
Sarah: WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? Mom and dad were worried sick, what the hell do you think you’re doing?  
Ed: uhhhh, hey baby sister  
Sarah reaches him and grabs him by the collar: don’t baby sister me, answer the damn question.  
Eddy nudges double D: go check on your parents, I’ll handle this.  
Edd: Thanks Eddy, come on Kevin.  
Kevin: seriously? We’re not going to intervene in any way.  
Edd: it’s best that we don’t

Double D and Kevin sneak away from the easily escalating scene and head straight for his parents’ room. Upon entering they were greeted with Edd’s father laying on his back in bed coughing, what was even more distressing about this scene was the fact that his father looked pale and coughing up blood. 

Edd rushes to his side: father?  
Eric: don’t come any closer (cough, cough) we don’t know if this is contagious.   
Edd: father what happened?  
Eric coughs and sputters: there was an explosion, I’ve no idea where it came from (cough), but it blew out our windows as well as our front door.

While the two talk, Kevin makes his way over to his mother’s bed observing her closely. The black-haired woman was in a deep sleep with an oxygen mask held over her mouth to help her breath. She was hooked up to a heart monitor to keep her alive. After examining her he noticed a few small specks of dried blood around the nostrils and a few spots around her mouth. She was horribly pale and her eyelids her pinkish, this caused Kevin to think for a moment. He recognized these symptoms in a previous case, it was a few years back when Jaguar was on the move for the first time. 

Eric: the rest of our house is still intact (cough, cough, cough, cough), I don’t understand w (cough). It doesn’t make sense.  
Edd: what else happened father?   
Eric: it was a gas, it spread everywhere. (cough, cough cough) it’s airborne, (cough, cough, cough) y... you shouldn’t be here, this was a mistake.  
Kevin: he’ll be fine.

For the first time since they arrived Eric acknowledges him by looking his way. His face twisted a bit in confusion. 

Eric: N…nick?  
Edd: no father, this is Kevin. Nick and I separated a long time ago.  
Kevin: good morning sir, nice to finally meet you.  
Eric coughs some more: w…what happened with Nick?  
Edd: I’d rather not get into it father.  
Eric nods a little: Edward…. (cough, cough, cough), You have power of attorney, if either I or your mother don’t make it through this, our wills are kept in the family safe.  
Edd shakes his head, his eyes tearing up: please don’t father, it’s far too soon to start talking like this. You’re going to be fine.  
Eric’s eyes grow heavy: the combination is in my personal journal……. indicated are instructions…...  
Edd’s eyes widen: father?  
Eric: your mother was the first to get sick (cough, cough) I tried to find a cure, I was so close……. I was forced to……take her to the hospital. I soon became ill afterward…… t…there still might ….be…a..ch…. chance  
Edd begins to panic: Father stay with me.  
Kevin rushes towards the door: I’ll get a doctor  
Edd: Father?  
Eric eyes close and he struggles to stay conscious: finish my research……find a cure…. (cough, cough) there still might be time to save us both…. my notes…. are in the safe….  
Edd tries to lift his head: ok, I will, father listen to me you must stay awake, please….  
Eric: I…. I’m sorry……. for the way….we treated you……I’m…..

The doctor and his team were by his side in a heartbeat, taking over immediately. Eric promptly passes out and is removed from the room by the hospital staff. Tears ran down Edd’s face as he watches them carry him off. Kevin wraps his arms around his boyfriend and comforts him allowing the shorter male to sob quietly into his shoulder.

Meanwhile

Eddy: seriously Sarah, we don’t have time for this.  
Sarah glares at them: NO, YOU OWE US AN EXPLANATION, I know you were the one who broke him out of the institution. Where did you take him?  
Jimmy: Ed, we were all afraid that you might have been dead or kidnapped. Why didn’t you call anyone to let us know you were ok?  
Ed sighs: I didn’t mean to make you worry.  
Sarah begins to cry: WELL YOU DID, have you any idea what you put us through you fucking idiot. Do you even care?  
Ed: yes, I do  
Eddy: look don’t take it out on him, I’m the one who….  
Ed: it’s ok Eddy, I’ve got this

Eddy’s eyes widened a bit, it seemed like the more he spoke with Ed, the more coherent the normally dim male seemed. The old Ed would have been cowering behind him from his loud and angry sister. What surprised him, even more, was seeing Ed walk up to his angry sister and giving her a gentle hug.

Eddy: uuuuuhhh….  
Ed: I apologize.

Sarah looked up at him shocked: wait, what did you say?  
Ed: I apologize, it means I am sorry  
Sarah: I know what it means jackass  
Ed: I should have called, or emailed you, so mom and dad wouldn’t worry so much.   
Sarah wipes her tears from her face: why Ed? Why did you leave? How could you just disappear like that? Our parents are in a coma, I don’t know what to do, I’m just afraid that……. that…….

She breaks out in a sob and cries into his chest allowing Ed to comfort her. Eddy steps away from them and looks over at his brother who was yelling at the guy he was talking to. He sighed, he hated hospitals and really did not want to step into what he assumed was his parents’ room. This was going to be rough, he made his way over to where his brother was just as the guy, he was talking to quickly walked away. His brother notices him out the corner of his eye and frowns.

Terry: well, well, well, look who finally decided to show up.  
Eddy: hey Terry,   
Terry: you’ve got a lot of fucking nerve showing your face here.  
Eddy: I’m here for my folks, not for you.  
Terry: they’re dead, you can go now.

Eddy’s eyes widen, and he rushes into the room, only to find both of his parents still alive and watching T.V. His father turns to look over at him while the mother was busy looking through a magazine. Eddy leans against the wall next to the door in relief while Terry comes in after him with a satisfied smile on his face.

Eddy pushes him angrily: THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.  
Terry pushes back: IF YOU REALLY GAVE A SHIT ABOUT THEM YOU WOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR ASS HERE SOONER.  
Eddy: WHAT THE HELL’S YOUR PROBLEM, TERRY?  
Terry: YOU’RE MY FUCKING PROBLEM, you disappeared for 10 years only to show up now?   
Danny: Eddy, Terry enough….  
Eddy: that’s none of your damn business like I said I’m here for the folks, I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU.  
Terry: FEELINGS MUTUAL, YOU WASTE OF FUCKING SPERM.  
Danny: Eddy, Terry ENOUGH  
Maggie: Honestly, will the two of you stop it, the Hills are right next store.  
Terry glares at his parents: seriously, you’re not going to say anything to him?  
Danny: TERRY, either you cut the shit, or you leave, we’re not going to have any fighting in this room understand?  
Terry stomps towards the door: FUCK THIS MESS, you’re always taking his side.  
Maggie: Terry honey, please calm down.  
Terry leaves the room: I’ll come back when HE’S gone.  
Danny grumbles but coughs a little: let him go, Maggie, he needs to cool off.

Eddy looked over at his parents and the two stared back at him. It was true, they hadn’t seen one another in ten years, at this point he really didn’t know what to say to them that would justify that. Maggie frowned at him and broke the silence.

Maggie: What I don’t get a hug? I almost died, how about a little attention over here?

Suddenly Eddy woke up from his thoughts and quietly walked over to his mothers’ side of the room. He gave her a hug, allowing her to pet his head gently.

Maggie: that’s more like it.  
Danny: your brothers got a point Eddy, where the hell have you been?   
Eddy: um…  
Maggie: does it really matter Danny? Our little Eddy’s finally home.  
Danny: there’s this invention called the phone, perhaps you’ve heard of it. It’s what you use to call your fucking parents to let them know you’re alive.  
Eddy gets annoyed: I know dad, I’m sorry. A lot happened to me since I left home.   
Danny: Yeah, I bet, Eddy “the badger” Sampson  
Maggie: you should have told us you were famous Eddy.  
Danny: couldn’t help but notice none of your proceeds came our way. It’s fine though, we only raised you, fed you and looked after you. I guess that’s not important enough for you to throw a couple of dollars our way.  
Maggie: Can you imagine how embarrassed I was to hear that you were a famous boxer from the neighbors? THE NEIGHBORS EDDY!!! I gave birth to you for heaven’s sake, you could have said something about it to me.  
Danny: We worked hard to put food on the table for your fat ass and this is the thanks we get?

Eddy pinches the bridge of his nose, now he remembered why he never liked visiting his parents. They were guilt-tripping pains in the asses. Eddy sighed and tried his best to keep his annoyance from coming out in his response. 

Eddy: look, Mom, Dad, again I’m sorry I haven’t been in contact with you lately. Like I said a lot has happened since I left home. Before I get into all that though, how are you two holding up?   
Danny: well we were just coming home from your aunt Janet’s house at the time. So, whatever exploded in the cul de sac we only got the tail end of it. The doctors said that we were infected just not to the same degree as everyone else.   
Maggie: it was so frightening, we were coughing up a storm, they took our clothing decontaminated our bodies and they're keeping us on 24-hour surveillance to make sure that we remain healthy. OH MY GOD, I left the laundry to dry outside.  
Danny: welp, looks like we ain’t wearing those anymore.  
Maggie: Jesus Christ, what a waste, we’re going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe.   
Danny: The Vincent’s got the worst of it though. The bomb erupted right at their front door, it was in a package.  
Eddy: wait a package. As in someone sent it to them.  
Maggie: looks like it, but who would send something like that to them.  
Danny: you know anything about this?  
Eddy: nothing yet, I’ve gotta talk to double D.   
Maggie: oh sit down skipper, chat with us for a while. I was just talking to your father about Mr. and Mrs. Gomez, I think they might be breaking up.  
Danny: I told you, Maggie, just because they fight doesn’t mean that they are getting a divorce.   
Maggie: but it’s every night and…….

Eddy stood there and watched his parents complain and gossip about everything under the sun. A part of him kind of wanted to leave now that he knew they were alright. But instead he smiled and went to get a nearby chair. He placed it between the two-hospital beds and simply enjoyed his parents’ company for the first time in a long time. Eventually they remembered that their son needed to explain why he ghosted them for so many years and allowed him to talk about his life so far.


	13. chapter 13

“I must find a cure, preferably something that will cripple the virus without harming the human cells. I took a sample of your mother’s blood, it appears that the virus has attacked her respiratory system. It infects the throat and nose of its victim and spreads to the lungs. I was able to identify the bacteria as a new strand of the black death, but….”

With a stony resolve, Edd made his way down the corridors of HQ holding a large safety deposit box. He retrieved it from his parents’ house an hour ago along with the recording he was now listening to from a tape recorder he was also holding. He made a beeline for the lab located in the basement of the facility. Up until this point, he only had time to visit the lab perhaps a few times per month. He would use it to invent weapons and other contraptions for the team. The lab included everything one could ever need to make elixirs, perform tests and even had a large glass room to hold anyone who was contaminated during chemical warfare. Edd charged through the double doors and rested the box on the countertop near the entrance.

“I would be amazed if I wasn’t so scared, I am pretty sure this strand has never been seen before. Her white blood cells are shriveling up, but they are not disintegrating or dying at a rapid rate like they were an hour ago. I have created a solution to keep them stabilized, it seems to be working, I have injected myself with the same solution, but at this point, we are just delaying the inevitable. If I can figure out how to rebuild a brand new white blood cell, then perhaps she will have a chance”.

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, he had written down the combination for the box earlier. After entering the code, he managed to open it and observed the contents within. It contained 5 small covered Petri dishes labeled from 12 midnight to 6 am, each filled with a red blotchy substance in it, he recognized it as the samples of blood his father took from his mother. There were a few corked tubes of various solutions used as variables for the experiment his father conducted, a USB drive, an envelope with Edd’s name on it and a small jar with what looked like red mold in it. Kevin entered the lab and cast a worried look at his boyfriend. Edd had not spoken a word since they left the hospital. Now the smarter male seemed to have adopted a very serious very solemn attitude. The redhead watched him set up the equipment and move from one side of the room to the other collecting additional items.

Kevin: you ok babe?  
Edd: No, my family was targeted, this whole thing was done to hurt me and my friends. What I would like to know is why. I don’t understand, who could hate us so much that they would use our families to get to us?  
Kevin: Yeah, I don’t get it either. You guys haven’t been in our organization long and I doubt anyone I have dealt with knows about us. For that matter, why wasn’t mine and Naz’s family attacked?  
Edd: after I find the cure, I will do everything in my power to hunt down Jaguar and bring him to justice.

He took the first petri dish out of the box labeled 12 midnight. This sample must have been before his father tried anything with it. He placed it under his microscope and examined it while his father’s recording played in the background.

“It is 2 in the morning right now, your mother is still breathing harshly but still alive. The contaminant seeped into the ground outside so I decided to collect some in a jar. Get your hands on a dog or a cat, any animal for that matter will do, you will need live subjects to test on”.

He went over to a closet on the other side of the room and pulled out a lab coat and a pair of goggles. He also found a pair of elbow-length gloves and went back to the sample. While Edd puts on his lab gear, Kevin goes over to the blood sample and examines it himself.

Kevin: Nat and I were on a mission a few years back when Jaguar first started out, the virus was sent to a random household and we suspected that it was a test of some kind. However, by the time we got there, it was too late, 5 people died that day, it was one of the most depressing times of my life.  
Edd puts on his work gloves: how did Nat take it?  
Kevin: way better than me, but I wasn’t surprised, he’s always been a boss when it came to this job. In any case, we didn’t have the cure for it back then. So, the fact that your mom is even still alive means that your father was way closer then he thought.  
Edd: from what I can tell so far, he was able to stabilize her by preventing the virus’s effects from progressing.

Edd reached back into the box and pulled out a small jar, this contained the virus itself. He was confident that he would be able to find the cure in less then 24 hours, there was just one more thing to take into consideration.

Edd: we need a test subject, and we don’t keep animals on this base. I may have to infect myself with….  
Kevin: don’t even finish that sentence, the answers no.

Kevin grabbed the jar away from him and frowned as Edd tried to grab it back from him. Edd frowned back still trying to retrieve the jar from his boyfriend.

Edd: Kevin be careful with that. We’ve no other option, this is the only way to make sure that it will be effective for humans. We cannot afford to make a mistake.  
Kevin: dude, you’re not infecting yourself with a deadly virus……. Let me do it.  
Edd: w…. what?   
Kevin: you need a human test subject? You’ve got one. It wouldn’t be the first time I took one for the team.

Edd looked at Kevin incredulously and was about to yell at him when he stopped himself and thought about it for a moment.

Edd: that’s a great idea.  
Kevin’s eyes widened: what?  
Edd: yes, let’s do that, let's infect you with the virus.  
Kevin becomes a bit nervous: um…babe, your next line should’ve been… no, Kevin, I can’t possibly allow you to risk your life for me.  
Edd: Kev, honey, you’re healthy and fit with no allergies to speak of, you’re the perfect candidate. Go ahead, open the jar and take a deep breath, I’ll get to work on the cure.  
Kevin: WOW, you’re going to make me regret this decision, are you?  
Edd turns to him and gives him a comforting kiss on the lips: trust me, dearest, I wouldn’t have agreed to use you as a lab rat if I wasn’t sure that I could do this. 

Kevin looked Edd in the eyes and soon calmed down a bit, after all, he did agree to this, it would have been unfair of him to chicken out now. Plus, this is what Edd needed in order to cure his parents, he owed it to him to see this through. He pulled his lover into another kiss more passionate than the first. When they broke apart, he hugged him and walked away to the far end of the lab. Edd followed him to the large glass room with glass doors and a large paned window. Kevin opened the glass doors and walked through it when he shut the doors the sound of suction could be heard ensuring that the room would be sealed. Edd moved towards the room and looked at Kevin who merely smiled at him from the other side.

Edd: you’re amazing for doing this.  
Kevin: I know  
Edd: when this is all over, I will owe you.   
Kevin: oral sex  
Edd blushed: what?  
Kevin grinned at him coyly: oral sex, at least three a week, for a month.  
Edd sighed and smiled: deal  
Kevin’s eyes widened: holy shit really?  
Edd nodded: darling when we are done you can have anything your perverted heart desires.  
Kevin smiles even wider: choice.

Edd chuckled a little but soon gave Kevin a solemn and serious look. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to find someone so supportive and willing to help him in such away.

Edd: I love you, darling, so very much.  
Kevin: ditto

Edd pressed his hand to the window and Kevin did the same as if they were touching each other’s hands. After a moment Edd moved away from the room and took another look at the window, which had a small compartment door in the middle of it. He figured that he could send the samples through the compartment for Kevin to try on the other side. He moved away from the glass room and made his way back to his work station. 

Edd: just go ahead and take a deep breath from the jar.  
Kevin smiles at him suggestively: yes master

Edd rolls his eyes and smiles back at him while Kevin opened the jar. He inhaled it and instantly coughed. The smell of mold and dirty socks invaded his nostrils causing him to grimace from the odor. As he wretched a little the door to the lab opened and the other Ed’s came in followed by Nat. Eddy was about to greet his smart friend when he noticed Kevin coughing. He held in a laugh as he and Nat approached the glass room.

Eddy: and to our left encased in his glass cage is the ferocious biggus chinious. Notice the protruding jaw, the dim look in his eyes, the peanut-sized head that looks like it’s been photoshopped onto his bulky body.  
Nat laughs: they’re such peaceful creatures, aren’t they?  
Kevin flips them both off: very funny.  
Eddy laughs: the fuck are you doing in there?  
Kevin: helping double D find a cure for the virus.  
Nat dawns a look of concern: so, you agreed to be the guinea pig?  
Eddy: well that’s fucking stupid.  
Kevin: it’s for a good cause and for your families.  
Nat: yeah but still isn’t this a bit too risky?

While Eddy and Nat talked to Kevin some more, Ed looks over double D’s shoulder at the specimens he is observing. 

Ed: whatcha doing double D?  
Edd: analyzing a blood sample, I’m trying to figure out what my father did to try and cure it. Then I could replicate it and try to add on to it. Do me a favor, inside that safety despite box are my father’s notes. Could you read them to me?  
Ed beamed: Yeah, I totally can.

Ed excitedly goes over to the box and took out a notebook. He then opened it up and read through it for a while. After a quiet couple of minutes, double D looked over at him expecting him to do something distracting like rubbing the book on his head or something. But instead, the other male was sitting on a stool and reading the text intently.

Edd: uh…. Ed? you were supposed to read it to me.  
Ed suddenly looks up from the book: sorry Double D, but your dad made a mistake.  
Edd quirked an eyebrow: I assure you, Ed, my father’s handwriting has always been….  
Ed shook his head: not the handwriting double D.   
Edd: then what is it?

Ed looks down at the book again, he pouted a little in thought, something didn’t seem right to him. However, he could not put his finger on it, after a moment it finally came to him.

Ed: the attack of the killer germ from Neptune.  
Edd: what?  
Ed: the evil germ attacks the innocent people of Wellsville. They spread across the town infecting everything in their wake and destroying the world as we know it.

Edd frowned, he didn’t get what his dimwitted friend was going on about, but the coughing and wheezing coming from his boyfriend sent him into a panic of sorts. The countdown to a cure had begun and he needed to create a primer to hold off the illness until he could create a permanent fix. While Ed rambled on and on about some Sci-Fi movie he saw, double D retreated to his work. He took a quick look at the book Ed was holding and quickly went for the vial of antibiotics. With a dropper, he dripped about two centimeters of the fluid into a small tube, then dripped some of the infected blood into the same tube. After corking it and shaking it up, he uncorked it and poured a little onto a small slide. He placed it back on the stage of the microscope and observed it. To his dismay, there was no effect.

Edd: I am going to have to increase the dosage of antibiotics.  
Ed: the germs have mutated double D  
Edd: Ed I don’t have time to….  
Ed: we must find the source of the mutation.  
Edd frowned in confusion: the source of the mutation?  
Ed looks at the book again: double dad was just splashing it with medicine. The danger lurks within.

Double D looked over at Ed and stopped himself for a bit, the danger lurked within. He was right in a way, but the genius had no real idea of how to even start to alter the source of the mutation much less find it. Edd increased the dosage of the antibiotics and checked the sample again. The white blood cell started to regenerate a bit and the viral cells slowed down their growth. He gave it a few minutes more seeing no foreseeable changes to the blood cells. He sighed, he managed to recreate a temporary solution. Afterward he looked over at Kevin who was still coughing but at this point started bleeding from the nose.

Eddy: uh double D? he’s not looking too good.  
Nat looks at Kevin concerned: whatever you are doing over there could you pick up the pace?   
Edd: I’m coming.

Edd rushed over to them and opened the small compartment door. He places the injection gun with the solution in the compartment and closed the door. On the other side, Kevin retrieved the gun and quickly injected himself with the serum. The redhead became dizzy and leaned against the glass for support. Edd stood by to see if he was going to be alright, after a few more minutes, Kevin stopped coughing. He wiped the blood from under his nose and steadied himself into a standing position. Nat walked up to the glass and touched it, looking at him expectantly, Kevin looked up and gave him a hopeful smile before looking over at Edd. The other male still had a look of deep concern on his face, he was beginning to regret his decision to allow Kevin to do this.

Kevin: I think I’m good for now double D.  
Edd: thank goodness.  
Eddy: all kidding aside, this is kind of dangerous isn’t it?  
Nat becomes agitated with Edd: super dangerous, why the hell did you agree to this in the first place?  
Edd gave him a serious look: I wouldn’t have if I wasn’t sure that I could cure him.   
Nat: but why take that chance? If anything happens to him……….  
Kevin: it was my idea, Nat, it’s ok.  
Nat gets angry: you’re a love-sick idiot, of course, it was your idea. I’m saying that your love-sick idiot of a boyfriend shouldn’t have agreed to something that would either kill you or cripple you for life.  
Kevin: Nat, I get it, you’re worried about me but there’s no need to. My baby’s going to take care of me, have faith.

Kevin made eye contact with Edd who looked back at him lovingly, silently thanking him for vouching for him. The frown remained on Nat’s face as Edd walked back to his station, the green-haired male then sighed and looked back at his best friend. Kevin turned back to give him a sympathetic look, one very rarely has the opportunity to see Nat upset. So when he does it was worth paying attention to. 

Nat: I hope you’re right about this….I.. don’t think I can handle losing you.  
Kevin grinned: you won’t.  
Eddy: Yeah, Double D’s got this.   
Nat sighs again: Right.  
Kevin: you never did say why you were here.  
Nat pretends to be insulted: what? I can’t visit my favorite chew toy every now and then?  
Kevin chuckles: there he is. There’s the playfully smartass I know and love.  
Nat smiled: plus, I needed to keep my little badger company.  
Eddy: he literally followed me all the way over here. He’s like a clingy little spider monkey.  
Nat: I came to see you, but they came to check on double D, I heard about what happened to their parents from Eddy.   
Eddy: I figured it would be a good idea for us to stick together on this one since we all need that cure.  
Nat: we are still investigating where the bomb came from and why the cul de sac was targeted.  
Kevin: you think that too huh? Double D’s getting paranoid over it.  
Nat: it’s just too coincidental. The device that was used as its trigger was manufactured in Las Vegas. The last time we tracked Jaguar’s goons it was just outside of Nevada. So, guess where you’re heading to on your next mission.  
Kevin: hmmmmm……. Canada?  
Nat frowned at him again: really?  
Kevin: what? Geez, where’s your sense of humor today?  
Nat: locked in a glass room being tested on like a lab rat.  
Kevin: Nat…  
Nat: ok, ok, if you’re fine with it so am I…. I guess.

Edd was back at his station trying to ignore Ed’s babbling and overhearing bits and pieces of Nat and Kevin’s conversation. He anticipated that Nat would be angry with him, Kevin is his best friend after all. If he was in that room Eddy would pretty much be losing his shit. He took another look at the strand of the virus. He continued his work with all this in mind, determined not to fail. 

Edd: I hope you guys are ready to pull an all-nighter.


	14. Chapter 14

“Kevin…….”

“Kevin”

“KEVIN”

Kevin’s eyes shot open from the sudden intrusion of the sound. He looked up at the ceiling in a daze before the realization hit him that he was no longer inside the quarantined room. Instead, he was in his dorm laying on top of his bed. Another thing he realized was how crystal clear everything around him was. he could see every crack, bubble or dent on the painted surface. He turned his head slowly and took a clear focused look at his boyfriend who stared back at him with concerned tear-filled eyes. He reached out his hand and caressed Edd’s cheek, not taking his eyes off the other male for a moment.

**Kevin**: Am I dead?

**Edd’s eyes widened**: what? No. you’re very much alive.

Kevin blinked a few times before slowly sitting up, this grabbed the attention of the other occupants in the room who were idly yet oddly standing around in the background as if waiting to be noticed. The redhead looked in their direction and the three other members of their team looked back at him in relief.

**Eddy**: bout time you woke up, slacker.

**Ed**: YAY, Kevin’s awake.

**Naz**: we were so worried.

**Kevin gave her a reassuring grin**: didn’t mean to worry you.

Something felt a bit off; the room looked the same as it always did, his boyfriend was still adorable, Ed was still dimwitted yet lovable, Naz was still her calm collected self and Eddy was still a dwarf. Kevin swung his feet over the edge of the bed and sat face to face with Double D who simply smiled at him. He then noticed someone was missing.

**Kevin**: wait where’s Nat?

**Eddy made his way towards the door**: who knows? He basically ghosted us again.

**Naz follows him:** well he does have his own missions to attend to. He can’t always be here to cover our asses.

**Ed follows them waving to Kevin as they exit the room**: night Kevin, don’t let the giant mutant bed bugs bite.

**Kevin**: wait where are you guys going?

No one answered, they just left and closed the door behind them. It was just him and Double D now in the unusually quiet room. The smarter male rose up and sat next to Kevin on the bed, he then cupped his face and give him a soft gentle kiss. Kevin leaned forward expecting the soft touch of his lover’s lips, the warmth of his breath and the pleasant sweet smell of his mango shampoo. However, there was nothing, it was as if he was kissing the air, he couldn’t even feel the bed dipping underneath him as Edd shifted closer towards him. Kevin pulled away confused, causing Edd to blink at him equally confused.

**Edd**: something the matter darling?

**Kevin**: um yeah, did I lose my sense of touch and smell, because that would really suck ass right now if I traded it for my sight.

**Edd**: of course not, you’re probably still dazed from the intense fever.

**Kevin**: I’m guessing you found the cure.

**Edd**: I promised that I would, and I never break my promises.

Kevin smiled and wrapped his arms around Edd’s waist, again noticing that Edd was not only light as a feather but that he still could not feel the other male. When he lifted his lover up and deposited him back onto the bed it was made clear to him what the problem was.

**Kevin**: This is a dream isn’t it?

**Edd**: does this feel like a dream to you?

His long-haired lover wiggled his way off the bed and stood up, and suddenly there was a stripper pole in Kevin’s room. Edd reached up and grabbed the black sock cap that was suddenly on his head and removed it revealing his long black shiny hair. The strains flowed down his back and framed his cute face and cerulean green eyes. His eyes connected with Kevin’s giving him a sultry look as he slowly removed his shirt. He then spun around and wiggled his bottom in front of Kevin’s face, he danced and gyrated before bending down and slowly removing his pants. At this point, Kevin had already decided that this was a dream but didn’t care. He was dreaming which meant he was still alive, so until he finally wakes up, he might as well enjoy the show. Double D swung himself around the pole and climbed upon it, he then spread his legs and swung them upward turning his body upside down. Kevin smiled taking this opportunity to stuff a few dollar bills into his lover’s G-string. Double D slowly lowered himself onto the floor and did a split. He then crawled towards Kevin and onto his lap. He ground and rolled his hips into Kevin’s lap and dipped his head forward his hair completely covering his face. When she was finished she rose up again and turned around showing off her boobs which were practically popping out of her bikini top………..

**Kevin frowned in confusion**: wait……What?

The strange woman swung her head around and her hair began to take on a golden color. The blond woman stripped off her bikini top and shook her boobs in front of Kevin’s face. The other male bent over to the side to look behind her, searching for his missing lover. She was a gorgeous lady, but he still found it weird that the hot male stripper suddenly turned female….and blond….and now had a completely different face. A shot rang out in the air and the woman instantly ran off the stage in fright, Kevin suddenly found himself sitting in a chair inside of a strip club. He looked forward and found his lover by the bar struggling to wrestle a gun from a tall tanned skinned man.

**Kevin instantly recognized him**: Nick?

Edd managed to get the gun out of Nick’s hand but the taller male kicked him in the stomach, launching him onto the floor and dropping the rifle. Nick then picked the gun up again and sat on top of him, straddling his waist. Kevin ran towards them, but his limbs were like jelly, he ran in slow motion and couldn’t seem to reach the end of the stage. He was forced to watch in horror as Nick repeatedly pistol-whipped Edd in the face before finally shooting him in the head.

**Kevin**: DOUBLE D!!!!!!!!

“KEVIN”

The redhead opened his eyes and was greeted with the blurred sight of the ceiling. He found himself wrapped up in something warm and soft. He was shivering slightly despite this and felt wet all over as if someone had poured a bucket of water over his entire body. His breathing was erratic, and he barely noticed the soft tenor voice of the other male holding him.

**Edd**: it’s ok, I’m here Kevin. You’re going to be ok.

**Kevin**: D……double……

His voice was hoarse and came out in a whisper, his throat hurt for a bit but only because it was horribly dry. His lover shushed him and held him close in his arms.

**Edd**: thank goodness you’re awake, I…I thought….

**Kevin**: wh…. where….

**Edd begins to sob**: never again……. we’re never doing this again. I can’t believe I even agreed to this in the first place.

He could feel Double D’s body shaking as the other male began to cry, clutching him for dear life. He smiled weakly and gently touched Edd’s hand, to his delight he could feel his soft smooth skin, the warmth of his breath against his neck and beating of his heart, he was awake. Edd wiped his face with the back of his hand and calmed down a bit.

**Edd**: ok, that means it worked, day 7, the subject has woken from his coma, serum 51 has taken effect. The results are, first coma, followed by slow awakening. I will continue to monitor his progress moving forward.

**Kevin**: Who…. who are you t…alking to?

**Edd**: in a minute Kevin, as of right now my parents are in a coma, the Hills are awake, but they are still weak. Upon my next visit, I will check on them to see if they will need another dose of the serum.

Edd reached a handoff to the side table Kevin just noticed was there and grabbed his smartphone. He pressed a button on the screen of the phone and placed it back down on the table. Edd sighed and slowly began to dislodge himself from behind Kevin’s body. He slipped out from under him and gently laid Kevin’s head onto a soft pillow. Kevin looked up at Edd as the other male leaned forward and caught his first glimpse of the man in front of him. Edd was a mess, his hair was shoulder length and unkept with various strands sticking out every which way, his eyes were bloodshot and tear-stained, his face looked like he was beginning to develop a beard and it looked short and scratchy like black sandpaper. He could tell his lover must have skipped a bath or two from the sweaty skin and the musty mildew smell coming off his clothes. Kevin continued to stare at him even when Edd backed up and became a blur once again. When Edd came back into focus again he stuck a straw into Kevin’s mouth. The redhead responded by sucking on it and was rewarded as the cold water rushed into his mouth and down his throat. He drank the cool liquid greedily until there was no more, Kevin sighed with satisfaction and felt the bed shift as Edd got up once again. It took him a moment before he returned to Kevin and placed a pair of glasses onto his face. Kevin blinked a few times as the world around him became crystal clear, he then looked over at his lover who sat back down on the bed next to him.

**Kevin**: what happened to your hair?

**Edd smiled weakly**: It was too long, it was getting in the way, so I cut it. I know you like it long but……..

**Kevin smiled**: it’s fine…………still wanna smash that ass.

Edd gave him a gap-toothed smile and leaned over, planting a soft kiss on the other males’ lips. When the kiss ended Kevin sighed in contentment.

**Kevin**: that’s more like it.

**Edd**: god I missed you. I’m so sorry Kevin….I never should have…..

**Kevin**: it’s ok Double D, this whole thing was my idea anyway.

**Edd**: still this is never happening again.

Kevin shifted a little in the bed, he was slowly beginning to find the strength to at least move his limbs. He fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose and moved the blanket away from him a bit feeling hot.

**Kevin**: how long have I been out?

**Edd**: a week Kevin: a week? Shit…. what did I miss?

**Edd**: well I have been administering various versions of the serum to you and monitoring your reactions to it. If the reaction was negative, I’d try something different, if they were positive, I’d administer it to my parents and Ed’s parents. The Hills reacted to the serum faster than you and my parents, but the ending results are the same. However, you gave me quite a scare back there when your heart stopped for about 5 minutes and I had to use a defibrillator on you.

He looked towards something else a bit further away from the bed. The defibrillator in question was on the floor looking like it was kicked off to the side immediately after use. Normally Edd would have handled such equipment with care.

**Kevin looked at him sympathetically:** I really did scare you, did I?

**Edd sighed and kissed Kevin’s hand:** yes, I was. Kevin: it’ll take more than this to take me out. By the way, where are the others?

**Edd**: I’m sorry, they couldn’t wait for us. They had to move forward with the mission. They’re in Las Vegas right now tracking a lead. Looking at you now you should be well enough by this evening, we can join them tomorrow.

It was true, he was feeling better, enough so that he was able to slowly sit up and weakly lean against Edd’s shoulder. Kevin smiled breathing in his lovers’ scent, it felt good to be alive, and he didn’t want to waste another second of it.

**Kevin**: sounds good to me.


	15. Chapter 15

**Edd**: I still can’t get in touch with anyone

**Kevin**: keep trying, maybe they are in an area with no service.

After a 4-hour flight, the couple finally arrived in Las Vegas, the minute they touched down Edward received a text from Eddy. Apparently, he and Ed were separated from Nat and Naz when they realized they were being followed. The mysterious stranger tracked them to Caesars palace, and they were trying to lure him into a trap. Edd typed up another message to Eddy and put his phone away as they made their way to the Rent-a-car parking lot.

**Edd**: I have a bad feeling about this, what if something happened? What if the guy following them is another assassin?

Edd’s phone beeps again and the other male pulls it out and reads the message. Meanwhile Kevin went to go get their car. When he returned with the car, he began to load the trunk with their luggage while Edd got into the passenger seat. Edd finally looked up from his phone as Kevin slid into the driver’s seat.

**Kevin**: What is it?

**Edd sighed in annoyance**: they confronted him; it looks like he is hiding out at some sort of burlesque bar about a block away from the hotel.

**Kevin**: you mean strip club.

**Edd**: uh, yes one of those.

**Kevin**: Alright, let’s move.

The two take off, the ride was swift but not so much to draw attention from the cops.

**Edd**: it’s only five minutes from the hotel. Turn left here.

**Kevin turns left**: What’s our ETA?

**Edd**: 10 minutes, keep going straight, turn right at the third light.

**Kevin followed his directions**: any new texts?

**Edd**: no, I think we are here

**Kevin slows down a little**: how can you tell?

The two came to a screeching halt as a brunette woman dressed in a pink bikini ran in front of their car and kept on moving. The two males looked in the direction she came from and noticed a few more people came pouring out of a bar called “the pink pussycat”. This was followed by the sound of gunshots ringing out from the establishment. Without another word the two men got out of the car and moved quickly to the trunk. They grabbed their guns and heading inside. With their rifles ready they eased their way further in, random people ran past them all heading for the exit. The entire area was lit in bright red and loud music vibrated from the speakers on a stage to their right. They didn’t have time to admire the setting as they made their way to the staircase on the other end of the room. They reached the bottom of the stairs to enter another red-tinted room with a stage. Kevin recognized this room from his dream, he also remembered what happened next.

**Edd**: we should split up, you search the stage, I’ll…...

**Kevin**: Nope, we’re sticking together. Nick’s heading our way.

**Edd**: Nick? What does Nick have to do with……?

Kevin shot someone off in the distance behind Edd and a scream was heard. Edd turned around only to see a blond man with dark brown eyes down on the floor holding his bleeding arm, his gun a few feet away. He was dressed in a gray sweatshirt with blue jeans, he glared at the two and reached for his gun again. But before he could reach it Double D kicked his gun away and punched him in the face. Nick struggled to remain conscious but between the gunshot wound and the throbbing in his head he didn’t have a chance, he drifted quickly into the darkness.

** Later **

**Eddy**: took you long enough shovel chin.

**Kevin**: Yeah, no shit, that’s what happens when you leave without back up.

**Eddy**: relax, we had everything under control.

**Kevin**: so much so that you nearly let him getaway.

As the two spoke, Double D glared at Nick as he stood in front of him.

**Edd**: of course, you would be involved in this. Why am I not surprised?

Nick began to slowly stir from his unconscious to the sound of 5 men talking around him. He had no idea where he was or who had accompanied him, all he knew was that he was tired and wanted to go back to sleep.

**Nick**: twitchy, turn the fucking light off.

**Edd**: I’m sorry dear, but I do believe it’s time to get up.

A splash of ice-cold water stung his face and chest causing him to scream out in shock. His eyes popped open wandered frantically around the room taking in the scenery. To his horror, he found that he could not move his arms nor his legs. He took another glance around the room finally noticing the other men. Edd had walked away from him and disappeared into the bathroom carrying a small plastic ice bucket. Ed waved at Nick and sat Indian style on the hotel room bed along with Eddy who took a seat at the edge. Kevin sat backward on a chair off to the left of him grinning a bit wickedly and Nat, who had caught up with them after the fight leaned against a wall near the bathroom.

**Nat**: nice of you to join us, Nicky.

Edd emerged from the bathroom, this time with a medium-sized iron, he stood next to Nat with a serious look on his face. He had promised Nat he would let him question him, but he knew he was about to break it just by looking at him.

**Nat**: now as I was trying to ask you earlier, you mentioned that you saw the weapon……

**Nick**: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

**Edd approached Nick**: hey now let’s be smart about this, we could either do this the easy way, or the hard.

**Nick looked over at Edd**: what? Are you going to hit me twitchy, you? Since when did you grow balls.

**Edd**: since I cut you out of my life like a cancerous tumor.

**Nick**: yeah right, you know you miss me twitchy.

Edd glared at him for a few moments, then turned to the others.

**Edd**: guys, may I have a moment alone with Nick

**Kevin looks at him confused**: uh why?

**Nick**: so, we can fuck in private.

**Edd**: ACTUALLY, I just need to talk to him for a moment…...alone

**Eddy suddenly jolted upward**: yeah, no problem sock head, come on Kevin.

He quickly yanks Kevin out of his seat and pushes him and Ed towards the door, making sure to grab Nat and a large bag of popcorn on the way out. He successfully got everyone out the door before closing it, he then leaned against the wall and opened the popcorn while the other males stared at him in confusion.

**Kevin**: dude what gives?

**Eddy**: think about it, Kev, he’s in the room, alone, with his abusive ex-boyfriend who a couple of years ago had him arrested for attempted murder and may now be involved in the near-death of his parents.

**Kevin thought for a moment, but then broke out in a smile**: scoot over and give me some of that popcorn.

**Nat**: I don’t get it, why’s everyone so relaxed about this?

**Ed also smiled and ate some popcorn while sitting Indian style on the floor**: you’ll see.

Edd turned on the iron he had brought out and plugged it in. He then left it on the ironing board and went over to the dresser across from the bed. Out of one of the drawers he pulled out a shirt and laid it carefully on the bed. He took a chair from a nearby computer desk and rested it in front of where Nick was sitting. Edd gave him an unreadable expression and sat in the chair across from him. In a quiet and calm tone, he spoke.

**Edd**: look Nick, I can’t even fathom why you thought it would be a good idea to work with a bioterrorist and I don’t care. I am letting you know right now that you are backing the wrong team.

**Nick smirked at him**: doesn’t seem that way, I am making a shit ton of money right now.

**Edd**: and you feel good about that? Even though people are dying around you.

**Nick**: not my problem. I’m not crying over every schmuck that kicks the bucket.

Edd stared at him with the same unreadable expression before getting up. He went back over to the ironing board and picked up his shirt. He placed it on the iron and began using it to smooth out his shirt.

**Nick**: Wow, you haven’t changed a bit, have you? Still more concerned over cleaning and ironing then actually being a man.

**Edd**: my parents were one of the schmucks who were infected by the virus.

**Nick smirks**: so?  
**Edd**: so, I want to know where Jaguars headquarters are located.

**Nick chuckles**: so that’s your plan, asking me nicely? Typical spineless little bitch.

**Edd stops ironing and glares at him:** Nick I need you to be a decent human being for once in your life and please tell me the location of his HQ.

**Nick**: holy shit, you really do think that you can get whatever you want by asking nicely.

**Edd sighs and finishes ironing his shirt**: I am not asking you nicely, this is for your own good. If we don’t stop him, he will continue to contaminate the world until there is no one left. You’re not just giving me what I want, but you will also be saving lives.

**Nick**: And there it is, the noble, virtuous Edward Vincent. Appealing to my good nature and being as polite and pure as the driven snow.

**Edd**: Nick….

**Nick**: I am so sick and tired of the whole holier than thou bullshit. You may have a little muscle now but deep down you are still so fucking weak.

Edd folded his shirt quietly and rested it on the bed.

**Nick**: you’ve always been that way, you think because you’re smarter than me, that makes you better than me. But you’re not as smart as you think you are.

Edd picked up the steaming hot iron and placed it on the dresser.

**Nick**: cause if you were really that smart you would have killed me and gotten away with it. But no, your integrity landed you in prison.

**Edd**: no that was you, you were the one who landed me in prison. My integrity kept me from hunting you down like the dog you really are.

Edd folds up the ironing board and moves it to rest inside of the nearby closet. He then moved over to the dresser and picks up the hot iron.

**Edd**: Unfortunately, I now see that my integrity is getting me nowhere, you truly are a horrible person.

**Nick chuckles while eyeing the iron**: look whatever you’re trying to do right now ain’t going to work. I know you twitchy, we both know you’re not going to do a goddamn thing.

**Edd reaches him, still holding the iron**: normally I wouldn’t, but there’s far too much at stake here.

**Nick rolls his eyes**: come on twitchy put the iron doAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

The red-hot flash of pain seared into the left side of his face as the iron was slowly pressed against his flesh. Nick screamed like he had never screamed before, he struggled and bucked against his restraints as nothing, but pain and agony invaded his mind. Edd slowly pulled the iron away taking burning skin and flesh along with it. He stood there watching Nick cry and whimper wordlessly as his left cheek and chin continued to burn and bubble and a small stream of urine flowed down his pant leg.

**Nick**: AHHHHH, HOLY SHIT MAN, FUCK…. NGH...JESUS CHRIST.

**Edd**: Nick

**Nick starts crying**: NO, NO, NO, PLEASE, NO MORE, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

**Edd**: Focus Nick

**Nick becomes a sobbing mess:** PLEASE DON’T KILL ME, PLEASE...OH, GOD!!!!

**Edd addresses him in a calm tone**: Jaguars headquarters Nick, where is it?

**Nick**: I…I can’t, he’ll kill me.

Edd pressed the iron against his lower jaw on the same side as his already burning cheek. Nick’s screams became high pitched and panicked. As Edd removed the iron from his face Nick continued to scream. Edd regards him with yet another unreadable expression. He draws the iron close to Nick's forehead but does not touch him. Nick freaks out and tries to move his head backwards away from the smoking object of pain and he frantically continues to beg for his life.

**Edd**: Nick, let’s try to put things in their proper perspective. If I don’t get information on Jaguars base, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. I don’t care about what we have had together in the past, I don’t care about integrity, I don’t care about your stupid insecurities or what you think of me. You are wasting my fucking time and I HAVE HAD ENOUGH.

He took the iron away from Nick and glared at him. Edd realized he was losing his patience and decided to take a breather. He inhaled deeply ignoring the smell of burnt flesh. He then exhaled slowly and went back to regarding Nick with his usually expressionless gaze.

**Edd**: either tell me where his headquarters are and we let you go or continue to piss me off and I will continue to turn your face into a living breathing Picasso painting until you die screaming. Your choice.

**Nick**: ok, ok, ok, he’s in an old military base in New Mexico.

**Edd**: where?

**Nick**: Silver City, it’s underground near Boston Hill.

**Edd**: a weird place to station at.

**Nick**: he’s been using the City as a testing site. I’m telling you, that guy is crazy. He kept talking about cleansing the world so only he and Kevin can exist.

**Edd**: wait, he knows Kevin?

**Nick**: I don’t know, I…I guess, he’s obsessed with him.

**Edd gave this some deep thought**: interesting

**Nick**: dude seriously, I need a doctor.

**Edd**: Is that why he attacked my family?

**Nick**: I don’t fucking know; I didn’t even know you were still alive much less dating Kevin.

**Edd**: how long were you working for him?

**Nick**: Dude, come on I’m fucking dying over here.

**Edd**: and I still have the iron, HOW LONG NICK?

**Nick**: a year, we never met in person, but he sent someone to meet up with me. I think his name was Rave.

Edd tried to absorb what he was just told and stays silent for a while before actually answering him back.

**Edd**: when the ambulance gets here, you will tell them you fell and burned your face on a hot radiator. That understood?

**Nick started drooling from the left side of his cheek not being able to feel it anymore**: yeah, sure, just get me to the hospital, please.

Edd ignores him and walks towards the door, he opens it to meet everyone who all dawn matching shocked expressions. He looks back at them with a look of slight shame. The men remain silent for a while before Eddy breaks it.

**Eddy**: I fucking called it.

**Edd**: really Eddy

**Eddy**: I knew you were going to go ham on that guy.

**Edd**: this is not something to be proud of.

**Eddy**: I know but admit it, that felt good.

**Kevin peeked into the room and gasped**: holy shit.

**Edd**: Yeah, he needs medical attention.

**Eddy**: I bet he does, you animal.

**Edd**: no seriously, he might die from what I did to him.

Eddy and Nat also peaked into the room, Eddy’s eyes widened, and Nat immediately dialed a number on his phone for an ambulance. Ed peeked into the room and regarded nick with an amazed look.

**Ed**: He looks like two-face from the batman movies.

**Eddy**: please say you got something out of that guy after all that.

**Edd**: I’ll tell you about it later.

Nat came off the phone just as Kevin was coming out of the room.

**Nat**: We have 15 minutes to get out of here before the EMT” S get here. I’ll stay behind and let them know I found him here.

**Kevin**: Thanks, man.

**Kevin made his way over to Edd and hugged him**: you alright?

**Edd hugs him back**: no, I’m not, but thanks for asking sweetheart.

**Nat approaches them**: Edd, what did he tell you? I bet he sang like a canary.

**Edd still held onto Kevin while addressing Nat**: he really has no idea who Jaguar is, and I couldn’t get his location.

**Nat**: well shit after all of that? Are you sure?

**Edd**: positive

Nat looks at him for a bit before breaking out into a smile. He walks over to Edd and gives him a hug.

**Nat**: it can’t be helped, don’t worry, we’ll get this dirtbag. In the meantime, get some rest, I’ll meet back up with you guys tomorrow.

As they separated, there seemed to be some sudden tension between the two. Nat’s smile remained and he eyed him for a quick second before walking back into the room. Kevin wrapped an arm around Edd and led him away from the scene and down the hall.

**Eddy**: finally, I need some R and R. I already booked me and Ed a room here.

**Ed**: we’re down the hall if you need us.

Edd quietly waved to them while leaving with Kevin, the arm around him was comforting and seemed to put him at ease. However, there was something else that bothered him. In fact, it invaded his thoughts as they made his way to the lobby. Now all he had to do was tell his boyfriend that his best friend is………..

**Kevin**: Hey Edd, you hungry?

**Edd**: famished

They reached the front desk and waiting for their room key. Edd really needed to speak with Kevin but they were out in the open and for all he knew Jaguar could be listening in on them. So, he decided to act naturally until he could get him alone.

**Kevin**: I’ve been to this hotel before, the room service is ridiculously expensive. There’s a burger place close by, you want anything.

**Edd**: whatever you’re getting is fine.

**Kevin chuckled as he received the keys**: you sure? You might live to regret it.

**Edd smiled**: I’m sure.

The two shared a kiss and Edd picked up his room key. He retreated to where his room is to wait for Kevin to come back with the food. After getting on the elevator he checks the key number, their room was on the 13th floor. When he arrived on the floor, he made his way to where his room was when he noticed someone leaning against the wall across from it. Someone that made him stop dead in his tracks.

“Hey double delish”.


End file.
